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Some Jokes to lighten your day. 5/15/2009
The big bad wolf said: "I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll
blow your house down!" The little pig replies: "Fuck off or I'll sneeze on you!"
What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?
I dont know and I dont care.
A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his
mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with
Mary, her eight-year-old . ...
3 Comments, 211 Views,
9 Votes
,5.78 Score
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Nympho Nun! 12/26/2008
a new young nun arrived at a convent and was welcomed rather
warmly.
after a short tour by one of the older nuns, she was taken
to her new room and then to supper.
during bedtime, she couldnt sleep. she knows the only thing
that could make her sleep was a round of sex.
she got out of bed and took a walk. she passed by an office
and to her amazement found a 9 inch dildo ...
0 Comments, 339 Views,
10 Votes
,3.39 Score
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a couple of one liners 5/29/2008
Did you hear about the plastic surgeon who hung himself?
Did you hear about the two gay judges who tried each other?
1 Comments, 221 Views,
7 Votes
,2.02 Score
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CALL THE POLICE 4/5/2008
CALL THE POLICE Apr 1, 2008 1:19 am 222 Views It was late and I was not concentrating as I approached an
old friend who seems distressed. Concerned, I asked him
why he was frigidity and uptight, nervous and speaking
with broken syllables. His shirt was torn out of his pants, he was dazed--somewhat
stoned. I asked "Tom, did you drink tonight?"
"No, No, ..." He kept repeating and looking
in all ...
2 Comments, 393 Views,
11 Votes
,2.61 Score
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One Night Wonder? 2/7/2008
The man of your dreams, for now, stands across the room from
you and can't keep his eyes off you. You do your best
to look calm, sexy and sober. He approaches you and you look
around to check he's not heading to some incredibly
chiselled, buff, sexy as all fuck god behind you. In the
meantime, he has stumbled across the room, fought his way
through a throng of unhappy lesbians and pregnant ...
2 Comments, 421 Views,
8 Votes
,3.25 Score
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Absolutely Funny!!! 12/16/2007
A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith about enlarging
her tiny breasts.
Dr. Smith advised her, "Every day after your shower
rub your chest and say, "'Scooby doobie doobies,
I want bigger boobies'."
She did this faithfully for several months and it worked!
She grew terrific D-cup boobs!
One morning she was running late, got on the bus and in a panic
realized she ...
2 Comments, 305 Views,
11 Votes
,4.85 Score
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This is my last joke...unless I get a rise from someone 12/7/2007
A farmer ordered a high tech automatic milking machine.
Since it arrived while his wife was away shopping, he thought
he would try it out on himself. He opened it up and slipped
his "Manhood" into the equipment, turned on
the switch and everything else was automatic. Soon he realized that the machine was providing him a lot
more pleasure than his wife ever did. When the fun was over
he found that ...
3 Comments, 404 Views,
13 Votes
,5.66 Score
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OK, Maybe You'll Like This One 12/7/2007
A lone cowboy rides into town right off the dusty trail.
He climbs down from his and ties the reins to a hitchin
post. He takes off his hat and slaps his jeans to knock off
the days dust. He then goes to the back of the , raises
his tail and plants a big kiss right on his asshole. A man
standing nearby witnessed this and asked him why in the
hell did he do that. The cowboy told him that he had a ...
1 Comments, 299 Views,
11 Votes
,5.04 Score
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Adult Bookstore Salesman! 12/6/2007
It was the first day on the job for this young man at a local
adult bookstore. His boss had watched him work the register
and felt he was doing OK so he told him to mind the store while
he ran some errands. After the owner left, a very good looking woman entered
the store and went right past the books and videos to the
wall where all the toys were. She was picking up several
different dildos ...
3 Comments, 426 Views,
15 Votes
,6.19 Score
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The Good Sons 12/2/2007
Three brothers got together after they graduated from
college and reflected on how they were doing in life and
how they got there. They all agreed that it was mostly because
of their mother. She worked very hard to put them thru college
and made many sacrifices. They decided that it was time
to reward her for all her efforts. During the next year,
they would all make some attempt to make their ...
1 Comments, 311 Views,
11 Votes
,5.97 Score
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Road Trip 11/15/2007
While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside
restaurant for lunch.
After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and
resumed their trip.
When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses
on the table and she didn't miss them until they had
been driving about twenty minutes.
By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite
a ...
1 Comments, 243 Views,
8 Votes
,3.71 Score
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The Love Story of Ralph and Edna 11/15/2007
because someone doesn't love you the way you want them
to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they
have. Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming
pool. Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to
the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom
and ...
2 Comments, 163 Views,
10 Votes
,5.38 Score
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Nurse Humor 11/14/2007
A nurse walks into a bank totally exhausted after a 20 hour
shift. Oreparring to write a check, she pulls out a rectal therometer
from her purse and tries to write with it. She looks at the flabbergasted teller and without skipping
a beat she says, "That's great.......that's really great......
some asshole has got my pen.
1 Comments, 244 Views,
9 Votes
,5.78 Score
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How Sweet! 10/21/2007
This happened at Harvard University in October of last
year. In a biology class the professor was discussing the
high glucose levels found in semen which give the sperm
all the energy they need to complete their journey.
A female freshman raised her hand and asked, "If I
understand you correctly, your saying that there's
a lot of glucose, as in sugar, in semen?"
"That's ...
0 Comments, 277 Views,
11 Votes
,5.97 Score
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What's The Difference??? 10/21/2007
What's the difference between love, true love and
showing off?
Spitting, swallowing and gargling
0 Comments, 144 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
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Best Round of Golf Ever! 10/21/2007
A man was at the country club shooting a round of golf. He
was having a great round, on the first hole he scored a birdie,
on the second hole he managed an eagle and the third hole
was his first ever hole in one.
His cell phone rang and it was a doctor at a local hospital
informing him that his wife had been in a terrible accident
and was in ICU. He told the doctor to tell her where he ...
2 Comments, 214 Views,
5 Votes
,4.77 Score
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The Italian Golfer! 10/21/2007
An 80 year old Italian man goes to the doctor for a checkup.The
doctor is amazed at what good physical condition he is in
and asks, "How do you stay in such great physical condition?"
"I'm Italian and I'm a golfer", says
the old guy, "and that's why I stay in such good
shape. I'm up before daylight and get out on the fairways
as soon as it's light. I go up and down the fairways,
come ...
0 Comments, 167 Views,
8 Votes
,6.03 Score
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BLONDE JOKE 10/21/2007
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had aquired two
new puppies, and asked her what their names were. The blonde
responded by saying one was named Rolex and the other was
named Timex. Her friend said, "who ever heard of someone naming
a dogs like that?" "HELLOOOOOO!" the blonde replied, "they're
watch dogs!"
0 Comments, 146 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Little Known Facts 10/21/2007
IF YOU YELLED FOR 8 MONTHS 7 DAYS AND 6 HOURS YOU WOULD PRODUCE
ENOUGH ENERGY TO HEAT ONE CUP OF COFFEE! (hardly seems worth it)
IF YOU FARTED 6 YARS AND NINE MONTHS, ENOUGH GAS IS PRODUCED
TO CREATE THE ENERGY OF THE ATOM BOMB! (now that's more like it)
THE HUMAN HEART PRODUCES ENEOUGH PRESSURE TO SQUIRT BLOOD
OVER 30 FEET! (OMG!)
A PIG'S ORGASM LASTS 30 ...
0 Comments, 84 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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ASSICONS 10/21/2007
We all know tghose cute little computer symbols called
"emoticons", where:  means a smile and  means a frown. Sometimes these are represented by or or  ) or (
Well how about some ASSICONS? HERE GOES;(_!_) A regular ass
(__!__) A fat ass
(!) A tight ass
(_*_) A sore ass
{_!_} A swishy ass ...
2 Comments, 121 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
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An Irish Ballerina 10/21/2007
A large woman wearing a sleeveless sun dress walked into
a pub in Dublin. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, harry armpit
as she pointed to all the people at the bar and asked, "what
man here will buy a lady a drink?" The bar went silent as all the patrons tried to ignore her.
But at the other end of the bar, an owl-eyed old drunk slammed
his hand on the bar and bellowed, "bartender, ...
0 Comments, 103 Views,
6 Votes
,5.07 Score
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Nair Hair 10/7/2007
My neighbor found out that her little couldn't
hear very well so she took him to the vet. The vet found that
his ears were compacted with excessive hair and removed
the hair and cleaned out his ears. He told the lady that she
could keep this from reoccouring by simply going to the
drug store and buy some Nair hair remover and swab his ears
once a month. The lady went to the drug store and got a ...
0 Comments, 156 Views,
4 Votes
,5.57 Score
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My wife left me! 10/7/2007
I don't understand, after the last was born,
my wife told me we had to cut back on our expenses, I had to
quit drinking beer. I was not a big drinker, maybe a twelve pack on weekends,
but I soon quit anyway. One day, while helping her put away
the groceries, I came across a receipt that was $45 for makeup.
I said, "wait a minute, I've given up beer and
you haven't given up anything yet!" She ...
0 Comments, 196 Views,
7 Votes
,5.84 Score
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What do you call kinky sex with chocolate? 10/7/2007
PAGR DOWN FOR ANSWER
S&M&M
0 Comments, 106 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Bad Sunburn 10/7/2007
A man falls asleep on the beach and wakes up with a horrible
sunburn. He goes to the hospital and is admitted with second
degree burns. With his skin already beginning to blister,
The Dr prescribes continuous intravenus feeding with
saline, electrolytes, a sedative and a viagra pill every
four hours. The nurse who is astounded asked, "what good will
the viagra do him?" The Dr. replied, "it'll ...
0 Comments, 116 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
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Have you have a Prostate exam lately? 10/7/2007
Two guys were talking.
One described his recent, first-ever prostate exam, "The
doctor bends you over his examination table and then he
puts his left hand on your shoulder...no wait, it was his
right hand...[thinks for a minute]... Damn! He had both hands on my shoulders."
0 Comments, 158 Views,
6 Votes
,5.36 Score
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Wanna Slip Into Something More Comfortable? 9/27/2007
Cecil and Scott are living together. It was extremely hot
one day and Cecil arrived home to find Scott with his ass
in the freezer.
"Scott! What are you doing with your ass in the freezer?"
Scott replied, "It was so hot outside, I thought you'd
like something cool to slip into!"
1 Comments, 159 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
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Judging the SIZE! 9/27/2007
JUDGING THE SIZE
A woman sought the advice of a sex therapist, confiding
that she found it increasingly difficult to find a man who
could satisfy her, and that it was very wearisome getting
in and out of all these short term relationships.
"Isn't there some way to judge the size of a man's
equipment from the outside?" she asked earnestly.
"The only ...
0 Comments, 121 Views,
3 Votes
,4.90 Score
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Blind Man 9/17/2007
A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way
to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while,
he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep,
husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke,
sir, I think it is just fair - giving that you are blind - that you should ...
0 Comments, 144 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
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Don't Lie To Your Mother 9/16/2007
A young man called Paul invited his mother for dinner, during
the course of the meal; his mother couldn't help but
notice how handsome Paul's flat mate, Simon, was.
She had long been suspicious of a relationship between
the two, and this only made her more curious. Over the course
of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started
to wonder if there was more between Paul and his flat ...
3 Comments, 190 Views,
10 Votes
,6.57 Score
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