Close Please enter your Username and Password
Reset Password
If you've forgotten your password, you can enter your email address below. An email will then be sent with a link to set up a new password.
Cancel
Reset Link Sent
Password reset link sent to
Check your email and enter the confirmation code:
Don't see the email?
  • Resend Confirmation Link
  • Start Over
Close
If you have any questions, please contact Customer Service
My Magazine > Editors Archive > cat5 > To Bi or Not To Buy
To Bi or Not To Buy   by Vincent P. Jones

Member Votes

28 votes
24 votes
50 votes
30 votes
123 votes
Don't like So so Good Very Good Excellent
Members can vote on this response!

Editor Article Search

Text:  

Irreverent product reviewer Vincent P. Jones lives and writes in the Heartland of Tennessee.

---

Howdy! lads and Buckaroo Bonzais. Here is another edition of our review of wonderful toys. I have something here for the lovelorn explorer just after beer and pizza and ready for porn or the I-am-reformed queer guy who wants to practice for the woman he loves -- should she ever reify -- and he be forced to tone down and butch up his Queendom.

Today’s issue is on these two wonderful or not so, play things that make you go hmmm? i.e. stroke me! stroke Me!, or stroke-a-friend, toys. The two toys in questions are:

Cyberskin Handy Andy Masturbator (Picture on the box of a hunky nibble nude lad) with added Wildfire Powerman Lubricant in a modest little package. Cost $49.95 at [extern url='http://www.boyzshop.com' target='_blank' text='www.boyzshop.com'] or purchase at www.Topcosales.us.

Peice of Ass (Picture on the box of a delicate booty gal) (without Lubricant) $38.00 from www.boyzshop.com and also available at www.Calexotics.com

I was planning to compare and contr-ass these two toys, but they're surprisingly similar in both their pros and their cons. Two lovely quail to robin (cause it could be a really fat robin) egg-sized spongy nuts are what distinguish the Handy Andy from the Piece of Ass. And that is purely for visual effect.

Both of these products are made of similar material but they feel exactly the same. I had hoped they would be humpable pillow-sized, but instead are about the size of a heavy manly flashlight. Handy Andy is a little heavier with the dangling jingle bobs.

Handy Andy:

Now, my Mr. Happy I gotta tell ya, as much as he liked them in the catalogue, when they came and we busted them out of the package with my friend from idle-hands-are-a-devil's-playground, my man kept turning soft when it came to poke time. I admit I need some of the porno on this here OutPersonals site to beef up my collection. Instead, I resorted to a few pointed phone sex calls with a pair of bears I know. With loads of phoned moaning, "Oh baby fuuuuuuuuck yeah," and "umm that’s good shove it in there," I succeeded in sliding my wanker into the mock bunghole for a turn or two and a little mid-afternoon mock-butt buggering of (slightly fizzled) sky rockets in flight. I'd rate the experience OK.

Maybe somehow adding a vibrator in the toy might help either of these bubble butts or bring your own vibrator to finished the job for the money shot. So sadly rather ho hum. Well, ya can’t make Mr. happy spit every time but up the butt with Wildfire Powerman lubricant you can try.

I did like the Wildfire Powerman lubricant that was way nice and slicker than spit. Definitely order yourself the large bottle of that. Both toys wash and air-dry clean. I used ordinary blue collar zest handsoap, as anti bacterial apparently ruins the toy. If I had my druthers I would redesign both slightly, just for older middle aged Daddy type man without Viagra, such as myself.
The fuzzy feelings inside these make-believe butts are keepers. Nice to come home to after a hard bone's work. So for my first improvement, I would make the outer shaft of the toys hard, using a vibrator type material (notice how I like vibrators), but of course keeping the nice, soft material on the inside walls. But overall, less is more on the good feelings because the spongy, flexible material does not help matters when you're trying to manage phone, lube, and toy. Gripping either of these toys was slippery to say the least. And secondly, when you pound ass on the hot, organic, real man thing, you get a rewarding sensation of firmness. Sensually, these toys weren't firm all the way around. I like them though for the way they look.

Piece of Ass:

Maybe they could talk, too. “Oh you're so huge, Sir" or "Yeah, take it baby, umphf!" On the plus side, I noticed that having these bald little butts on a shelf gives us some fun conversation pieces. "Oh, Mr. Jones what was that in the Ladies Powder room drying?" "I don’t know dear, was it alive? Have a fresh Cucumber sandwhich..." It might be a good idea too for the manufacturer to make a pillow-sized product. Just for the fella who likes the feeling that he's fisting someone else while he jacks off -- because thumb and finger poking into the center of the tight hole gave me that yummy penetrator feeling.

Now, to be fair I would say these toys might work fine enough for the younger Stallion who can shoot any time, anywhere, and won't even need to true his shaft to the shaft before the sheer excitement brings on the money. But alack for a lad and alas for a lass, butter me blueballed, these toys didn't make me pleased as Judy after punching Punch.

That’s this issue...thanks... hey you're cute. I have an opening for an opening now that these two flesh toys have gone knick-knack on my shelf. Any takers?

Tastefully yours,
V.P.Jones