I’m not usually a fan of solo videos. They’re cheap and easy to make -- that’s why there’s so many flooding the market. But they don’t bear up under repeated viewing. Once is pretty much enough. Without someone on-screen to interact with, all-solo action can get monotonous, pronto.
But this one is a cut above. If you read my book reviews of Built! and Built! More, you know how much I admire muscle god Zeb Atlas. He’s absolutely flawless.
The setting for A God in Paradise is stunning. We see Zeb apparently washed ashore on a gorgeous Hawaiian beach, like the shoreline in those Corona Cerveza commercials and print ads: powder white sand, crystal clear aquamarine water, palm trees gently swaying in the breeze.
I like Zeb best in the swimming hole because there, his playful personality shines through. His dazzling, boyish smile is like the frosting on his cake. I like the way he playfully poses, flexing his muscles, jiggles first one breast, then the other, and makes direct eye contact with us through the camera.
A God in Paradise is thoroughly vanilla, but also hardcore in that he does jack himself off on camera several times.
I prefer the pictures of Zeb on the back of the DVD box, rather than on the front. He’s wearing a dry grass hula skirt, and a fresh, green, leafy lei around his neck as well as similar plant material on his head and around his wrists. What could be corny is really quite endearing.
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THE DaVINCI LOAD
If you like twinks you should enjoy The DaVinci Load, but these are not your typical clean-cut twinks. Several look more like California beach boys; one has definite punkish leanings.
As good-looking as the actors are, they can’t keep a straight face as they speak their lines. They commit the number one sin of porno: smirking. One hot guy even smirks as he’s getting fucked. He doesn’t realize the camera is zeroing in on his face for his reaction. As soon as he realizes his faux pas, he wipes the smirk off his offbeat but strangely handsome face. The sex scene still works. It is a jolt to see he doesn’t take the beer-can thick dick up his ass very seriously. I would have thought it would be hard to smirk in the position he’s in, but I was wrong.
The sex is slow and plodding. Not a total washout, but not as sophisticated as we have grown to expect. The dialog is among the worst ever uttered in a porno movie.
The music, Gregorian Chants from the Middle Ages, in other words old church stuff, is good for all of about two seconds. After that you start searching for cotton puffs to stuff into your aching ears.
All too soon the entire Vatican theme wears thin. The introduction by an ersatz reincarnated Orson Wells as a Nostradamus-type character is a total turn-off.
Just as the action takes off, The DaVinci Load saddles us with the last thing we needed, yet another obese Orson Welles-type character, this time wrapped in white sheets to resemble a monk. Absolutely ghastly.
The two portly non-sexual roles are wisely omitted from the DVD cover, but that makes them all the more of a surprise, a bad surprise. Virtually deceptive advertising.
The story revolves around the Priory of Semen, a supposedly ancient secret society that finds an old scroll that can only be decoded by soaking it in loads of cum from Leonardo Da Vinci’s descendants, who must cum on the faces of virgin twinks.
The DaVinci Load would have fared much better without the contrived plot. It looks like they spent beaucoup bucks to make The DaVinci Load, but they could have spent half as much, and made twice as good a movie by sticking to the sex.
But The DaVinci Load has a lot in its favor, namely The DaVinci Load itself. A monumental load that you just cannot miss! Just in case you do miss it, there’s a black & white slow-mo repeat immediately following the full color orgasm. But the special effect diminishes the spontaneity of the original blowout. Don’t tinker with perfection, because it is one of the best loads ever delivered my mortal man. More like a DaVinci gusher!
Stars Jarret Fox, Sebastian Young, Shane Stone, Sean Wade, Gabriel Cortez, Taz, Dani Jo, Jayden Holloway, Sean Brennan and Gabriel DuBois.