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You can"t go back....but you always have the important stuff wherever you are.
Posted:Apr 5, 2019 12:12 pm
Last Updated:Apr 15, 2019 7:16 pm
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Im hoping to hang out around home for a while. I just wrapped a great trek to tx.
Not much to report "socially" i did meet up with an old BF from easily 30 years ago. Indeed a lot of water under that bridge. we both grew up alot.. and grew older A LOT too. way back then I thought i was supposed to be bottom only...i was naive He thought he was total top back then..... and he was, at least with me. Now I consider myself versatile, with a leaning towards whatever the moment calls for. I love a buddy that can flip/trade/take and give.
Nature, Age, poor health choices, and numerous other things had left him with ED, obesity, his prostate removed, and some probably undiagnosed depression. We reconnected thru a mutual friend. I drove into Houston to meet up with him and he was going to grill dinner for us. ( I was pre warned he doesn't go out...except to drs and sometimes pet store and supermarket) I was in a little , or alot, of shock . My vanity say i've changed/improve with age. He appeared almost unrecognizable. I could still see the important stuff...the Amazing Eyes, the devilish grin. the cleft in the chin and his sexy ears (don't judge) but there was also the unfamiliar. he wasn't 180 and fit. maybe 300 now. grey hair i love... but not the overgrown wild beard and hair. he'd attempted to groom, and it was acceptable, but i could really tell he was lacking the self esteem and pride in his appearance from years before. he also reeked of smoke....and 2 dogs and 3 cats. the house was a wreck but it was cleanish... just super cluttered and smelly from the pets and smoke.
He didn't smoke the entire time was was there....a challenge for any smoker to refrain.

The overall visit was very pleasant. we spent hours remembering and catching up. It was already suggested that i spend the night. I had already agreed, eager for touch, and also a chance to be away from the family... I kinda wished I hadn't agreed. I didn't sleep. My head was about to burst from the animal allergy and smoke. He seemed kinda eager and anxious to . Im pretty "responsive" and went thru what motions I could. thats when he revealed his ED and such. I thrive on touch and body contact. he did too once I could get him past the idea that he was inadequate. He confirmed without me asking, that he hadnt had sex with someone in over years. he had surgery 3 years ago and said he'd stopped masturbating about a year or two before. He said for a while he'd go to gloryholes and suck but after the initial rush of the encounter he would feel miserable, and dirty....so he abandoned sex altogether. i tried to assure him there is more to sex than a hard cock and ejaculation. i might have broken thru a little. the contrast in our body sizes made me spooning him a little awkward but i could feel from him he hadn't been held in a long, long long long time. he slipped off into sleep pretty quickly... while my mind and heart were wide awake.... after about 30 minutes he awoke and repositioned himself in a pillow fort to keep him from turning much in his sleep. he then attached his cpap machine " Im glad you are here , thank you for holding me. "
Im a side sleeper. I repositioned and lay beside with my stretched across his chest. his arms and hand embraced and clutched it as he slipped off to sleep again....
As i said before I didnt sleep. And while initially i had regrets about meeting and staying... I no longer do. It was exactly where I needed to be. for him , AND for me.

The hard take away for me is the sadness and helplessness I felt. I know we all make choices that can guide our lives. I also know that life can present stuff you cant fully prepare for. I was disappointed that his life was as it is. I also beat myself up for judging him... and imposing my own set of expectations. I know he was a little uncomfortable and embarrassed about some of the things in his life. It made it even more uncomfortable for me to feel so accomplished and in an awesome place in my life. good health, happy life, friends etc. I almost felt ashamed for have so much. I stepped back and said to my self I deserve all I have and am grateful. I thank the universe daily for it, and share all I can. I also am grateful I took the leaps outside my usual safe zone, met and stayed the night. Hopefully he felt some love and genuine companionship. The last contact we had was a week or so ago. basically when I come back into town maybe we can do something again... I want to but as with so many things, I have mixed feelings.
thanks for reading thru my rambling....
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Travlin Tx...3/6-20 ?
Posted:Feb 27, 2019 8:56 am
Last Updated:Apr 10, 2019 6:37 pm
206 Views

So.... Im headed to Tx for my usual trek. Looking for some good Thrifting and Junking spots. Im also interested in individual leads for buying stuff direct. Im not as well funded as the guys on American Pickers, but I am more than fair and very honest and knowledgeable. and as one might expect Im not opposed to venturing a little off path , to look at you"junk' or whatever else you want to show me.
Im looking forward to seeing family as well. No updates on the continuing saga. Im also meeting up with friends that I havent seen since I moved from Tx almost 20 years ago.
More to follow once I finally hit the road. Im traveling mostly I-10 but may bypass San Antonio and houston on the way in an head into Austin then down to NE houston area.
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Feb...holiday update
Posted:Feb 1, 2019 2:36 pm
Last Updated:Feb 2, 2019 3:51 am
356 Views

Just a brief update. headed back to TX for my usual trek., probably in a couple weeks. I will be doing the usual hunt for good junk to take back with me to AZ for the antique shop. I will also be doing some family gatherings. not much has changed other than the for niece with the possibly gay boyfriend. The secret is sorta out. the boyfriend and her have had some deep discussions about sex. the intent is to still refrain but he acknowledged he has had some feelings for male friend.but thinks its just a passing thing . a phase. And because hes refraining from sex he felt comfortable telling her. She evidently started that conversation reveling essentially the same same sex interest, but not going to act on it. so they are still promised but curious? amazed that we are in an age that they can be brave enough to share something so intimate and also something that makes them so vulnerable. Even more amazing that that are so aware of varied sexual desires developing ,yet still choosing to abstain. i heard this revelation from my sister and then my niece called and revealed it to me. they are keeping it a secret. I didn't say that my sis had already told me. i also agreed to talk freely if her boyfriend wanted to talk about stuff. again im so amazed at the times a changin'. i expect i will see them when i visit.
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Holidays
Posted:Dec 31, 2018 7:31 am
Last Updated:Apr 10, 2019 6:39 pm
865 Views

Holidays are different for everyone. I love my family and friends and enjoy travel. I was able to do that this passing holiday season. While I encounter the usual challenges that many do, I opted to make the most of it. My flight delay resulted in some terrific people/crotch watching at the airport. I had eye contact and resulting conversation at a small town supermarket with a couple guys that were visiting family as well. The town is small and redneck Trumpland. While we weren’t straight off of Rupals runway, to most it would have been obvious we three are gay. We chatted about families, small towns, the possibility of meeting up for drinks or something. Our schedules didn’t mesh but the interest was there. I even saw their profiles on Growlr later.
Family time was interesting too. My sister has a new boyfriend...300% total redneck macho man. And total train wreck. They belong together and it seems to work for them. He did use the word fag a lot, followed by insincere apology. I also noted he seemed to be packing in his tight starched jeans. I made it a point to stare at it and him to make him squirm and be uncomfortable. It worked...and unfortunately raised my curiousity and interest in sex. Fortunate they couldn’t visit long because he had to go to 2 other gatherings to see his kids and exes. Another observation was my teenage niece and her boyfriend. She’s accomplished, fuller figured, chunky, extreme Christian/fundamental. She’s also pro border wall and believes in the ancient alien theories of our beginnings ...because god created them to advance us to heaven. I think all or at least most of things are to rebel against her parents.. the more interesting thing is her boyfriend is sooooo gay. I’m sure he knows , but is fighting to keep the closet door closed until he’s in more accepting place. She was also showing off the “Promise Ring” he gave her as a symbol that they would abstain from sex until the are married. She had given him a bracelet indicating the same commitment. Many of us collectedly rolled our eyes , grinning....and containing our giggles as she announced their committments. I would have raised a glass to toast them, but we were have a “dry” day. The guy is charming, sweet, very handsome, athletic, a little geeky... I could even crush on him if he weren’t 15 ish.
I’d say the holiday was eventful in good ways....no drama.
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Holiday travel
Posted:Dec 15, 2018 9:56 am
Last Updated:Apr 13, 2019 5:18 pm
945 Views

Travel always excites me on a deeper horny level. The thought of a hookup wit a new pal in a new place. I like repeat encounters but they don’t happen enough. Those one time things are sometimes all I can get. There is magic in the connection where you can get a little wilder than with a repeat. Repeats allow for a continued increase in trust and comfort. The the newness and possible urgency can take it on the expressway.
I continue to be optimistic that I will have some sort of encounter . Sometimes it’s could just be a knowing glance in passing that says I’d suck your cock until your head caves in. Or a bathroom glance at a cock at a urinal or indirect in a mirror. I like that the holiday seems to bring more guys out. At miminum there is more to people watch and wishful think.
3 Comments
Pre-Halloween Fun.
Posted:Oct 29, 2018 6:36 pm
Last Updated:Feb 1, 2019 10:49 am
1086 Views

As Usual BZB pulls out all the stops, welcoming all sorts of costumed playful types. I applaud so much creativity. it always delights me to see people transform ,or let their ego self step aside, simply by wearing a mask, and or costume. so often it brings out the bold gregarious side. showing a little more skin, being a little more flirty. as expected there were boobs a plenty. i delighted more in the exposed mens chests, and men in tights, or costumes the had " costume malfunctions". I saw more exposed or semi exposed dick than expected. almost as much as a gay pride event. At the Quarry I even "helped" re adjust and retuck a scarecrows cock that just couldnt stay in the 4 sizes too big pants with the broken zipper. His girlfriend? "dorothy" didnt seem to mind. I also enjoyed the 2 Cowboys...a couple that i understand werent really in costume, as thats how they dress daily living and working in the re-enactment show in tombstone...
2 Comments
Travlin' TX 10/2- 12
Posted:Sep 27, 2018 1:04 pm
Last Updated:Apr 21, 2019 11:12 am
1195 Views

9/27
Well Im headed to Tx for my usual every couple months trek to see family and friends. I often reach out to profiles that interest me in the areas Im going to be in. I usually have a few people reply , but only a couple time have I actually connected with someone in person. I know that many in the little towns I visit are unable to host, and many are needing a discreet contact because of their relationship status, or being somewhere in the closet. No Judgment. I just wish I knew the key to successfully meeting up with someone, even if it didn't end up with SEX.

I think Im a not threatening, normal guy. I do show up. I have had a pretty high tolerance for the guys that don't show or have an interesting reason for cancelling at the last minute. But my tolerance is rubbing thin.

I know its much like fishing, some nibbles, ...part of the fun is in just having your pole in the water. I guess I'd like to reel one in once in a while. catch and release. Hell, I'd be happy to hook onto an old tire, just to know there is something in the water. Im open to suggestion? What sort of success have you had in meeting up? what is your bait?
2 Comments
Reflecting on past “excuses”
Posted:Sep 6, 2018 9:09 am
Last Updated:Sep 29, 2018 4:58 pm
1256 Views

I recently became aware of a friend/ neighbor having a discreet relationship with another friend/neighbor who is married. a pretty trustable and discreet guy. Not a gossip. And certainly in no position to judge or cast stones. He currently uses the excuse of the remodel project he’s contracting. He says he’s getting serious feeling and doesn’t know how they will be able to continue once it’s completed. He even suggested he’d like to use my place as the place to meet up when I travel. It seems like a possibility. He does occasional handyman things for me ( I wish he were bi or gay!). She come over for visits, to gather veggies or borrow/ bring something. So it wouldn’t seem odd to both be at my place and encounter each other.
Anyway, in my past , I recall a few excuses that were used to meet up. I have met up with posters on Craigslist , who’s wives were home while we went into garages/ shops to check out tools or whatever was being bought or sold. Certainly most contractor trades have a legit excuse. For men it could be. Fishing/ hunting trips, car shows etc. not sure what excuses there are for str8s. . not trying to come up with excuses to use for them or myself. It just makes me ponder and reflect. ( and long for a hookup)
0 Comments
Been a while
Posted:Aug 29, 2018 6:31 pm
Last Updated:Apr 21, 2019 11:12 am
1217 Views

Well. I haven’t posted in a long while. There really hasn’t been much to post about. I lead a pretty simple life. I manage to get an occasional bj.
I sabotage a few possible hookups because they are locals. It’s such a small town. Perhaps when I knew someone I might be ok with setting up a no strings buddy thing. I think it could get weird playing with neighbors or locals. I’m a pretty active out there publically guy. It isn’t like I’d see someone once. It could be more like once a week. Possibly even once a day. And add to that awakwardness if the guy is married or in the closet it gets even more awakward. I do miss man on man action. I miss affection and intimacy more.
But for now I’m ok with masturbation. I’m pretty good at it.
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Wow , the weather
Posted:Feb 13, 2016 2:36 pm
Last Updated:Apr 10, 2019 6:39 pm
15923 Views

Wow...a month ago there was snow, now this week we will be seeing 80's. I can work with that too. Hi 70s currently. Big Valentine's Day weekend. I don't mind being single. I remember being in an LTR, and would go thru the joys / celebrations in coupledom. Perhaps again someday. For now I can celebrate some self love.
3 Comments

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