I used to face the world and think to myself, "I am a living lie, and so ashamed of my physical reality that speaking of it hurts."
Finally I came to the realization that hiding myself, that living the lie wasn't doing me any good. I had the power to change the reality. I had the power to live the truth. I had the power to speak of it without pain.
Now I am taking those powers, and using them. I am changing the physical reality with therapy, surgeries and hormones. I am living the truth, with binding my chest, and beginning to be called by my name, Lucas. I am speaking openly, opening and moderating a support group specifically for transmales on alt ( Transmales - everyone welcome ), writing a Q&A style article that is posted in my blog ( from F...to M, in 12 NOT so easy steps...(part 1) & [post 277971] ) as well as on my partner's website. I am speaking openly in chat, standing up for the ladies in there as well as doing what I can to prevent male bashing and promote understanding of transmales wherever I am.
Some people have difficulty understanding me, wrapping their minds around transmales in general. Don't think of us as females becoming male. Think of us as guys, who just happen to have been born with a couple birth defects - missing a penis and testicles, the growths of uterus/vagina/ovaries, and the breast development caused by the hormones released by the ovaries. These birth defects are FIXABLE, and before long, _this_ guy will look like any other guy, save for the fact that I'll always be short.
I have had some ask "Why don't you change the designation after your name to an M?" The simple answer is, when I legally can have an M on my driver's license, I will have an M on my profile.
Technically, I am a 34 year old female to male Gay transsexual. This means I am a transmale! I am currently in a body that was born with birth defects that include female parts, but that I know should have been fully male. I WAS been living a lie for many years, trying to function as something I’ve known in my soul I was not, for nearly 20. I am in the process of fixing this, these birth defects!
I am NOT a "Beautiful Woman", I am NOT a "Domme", I am NOT a "Lady" I am certainly NOT a girl. Don't call me these things!...yes I am a dominant, but am NOT looking for any submissives...
I am becoming that which I have been inside all of my life, a man. I can be raunchy, but also know just how to be a gentleman. I know the difference and respect others and their relationships. I ask the same consideration for me and mine.
**NOTE**
I have TWO names on alt, though this one will be phased out when I move to the west coast. The other name is Lucas_Found. (I need to make the Lucas Found ID here on OP as well)
Yes, for those wondering, this DOES mean that I have chosen my permanent name. I am Lucas, and will legally be such later on. You can call me Lost, LIM, Lucas, or Luc or even LF.
My Ideal Person:
I'm seeking friends only, as I am on my journey to become what my spirit aches to be. My path is well lit, no darkness that can overcome the light, and my footsteps are no longer lonely, but accompanied by my Shadow. I have someone real time, albeit long distance, TheWhiteShadow on alt, also known as Chance, is the sweet, creative, intelligent pretty boy in my life.
UPDATE - I'm no longer in a long distance relationship. We are now not just real time, but up close and real time. Chance has relocated to me, and we will be moving together to the west coast this summer at some point in time. I'm the luckiest man on earth!
Note - PLEASE, look up the meaning of Gay. I am getting tired of females trying to tell me "if you just try me, you wouldn't ever look back," or those with female presentation telling me that they're really a guy under the dress. NO OFFENSE INTENDED, but, listen up!!! "Female presentation does nothing but turn me off! I don't care if you have the most masculine ass in the world beneath that skirt, as I'll never see past the skirt. Even if I were single - which I'm not! - I wouldn't be looking at anyone who presents as a female. Girls are fine as friends, but are of no intimate interest to me."
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