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closebyoc
Life Sailing
 Standard Member

Last Visit: More than 3 months
Member Since: March 15, 2010

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closebyoc's Information:
 
Gender:   Man
Birthdate:   March 15, 1955
(69 years old)
Lives in:   Costa Mesa, California, United States
Height:   6 ft 0 in / 182-185 cm
Body Type:   Athletic
Smoking:   I'm a non-smoker
Drinking:   I'm a light/social drinker
Drugs:   I don't use drugs
Race:   Caucasian
Speaks:   English
Education:   Master's degree
Marital Status:   Married
Religion:   Spiritual
Hair Color:   Salt and Pepper
Hair Length :   Medium
Eye Color :   Blue
Glasses or Contacts :   None
Facial Hair:   None
Body Hair:   Little
Dress:   Casual
Body Decorations:   None
Male Endowment:   Average/Average
Circumcised:   Yes
Sexual Orientation:   Bi-sexual
Out?:   No
Demeanor:   Average
Role:   Versatile
Social Orientation:   Liberal
Sports Interest:   Watch and Participate
Safe Sex:   Yes


swinger
   
69 year old Man in Costa Mesa, California, United States Looking For: Men

Profile for closebyoc
I'm looking for a very specific sort of a friend, and I'm not sure that he even exists. Let me tell you about myself. When I was a pre-adolescent, I learned about sex from a boy my age. We did the circle jerk sort of thing, for about a year. Then we stopped. Thereafter, I had a very conventional life, including getting married (I'm still married). At a certain point, I started having gay masturbation fantasies, recalling my introduction to sex. I've had guys come on to me, I even got the to point of meeting 3 different guys. But these were old guys (my age, but they looked/seemed older). There was just nothing there. I don't want to get a sexually transmitted disease. I've learned that what it will take to "do it" for me, is a guy like me. Married. In shape. Young looking. Able to get it up. Not "experienced" (I am NOT reassured by guys who say "I get tested often," because this just means that they are doing it a lot and how do I know who they did it with since their last test -- know what I mean?). Well, that's that. The sort of guy I'd be interested in meeting can figure me out and decide if there's a mutual interest, simply on the basis of what I've said, combined with my photos. I'm young looking (women think I'm attractive) and in shape and inexperienced but horny and curious. Before I die, I'd like to get myself figured out. But I'm not in a hurry. I've waited a long time and I can wait some more, until I finally meet the person I'm seeking. If you are the guy, you'll know. Because you'll have been looking for the same sort of guy for whom I've been looking. I'm not into moralizing, but I've explained my philosophy online elsewhere, previously. Here it is, in a nutshell: I had my first orgasm as an adolescent with another boy, on a camping trip. That was more than 40 years ago. Since then, I've had a conventional life and a good marriage. I've used gay sex as a masturbation fantasy for decades. It works; it's powerful. I've cruised gay chat rooms. Viewed gay porn. Gone so far as to do gay cybersex (with other presumably bicurious but timid married guys). I've occasionally had a beer or drink in a gay bar -- not with the intent of hooking up, but just for the cheap thrill of it. But I've never done it in person -- with another guy. Not once. Not ever. After a gay themed masturbation, I always think to myself, thank goodness that was only imaginary. It used to bother me -- that I feel this way. Now I just accept it. I've been handling it for decades. I've aged enough so that men my age are -- truth be told -- just not all that attractive, and I wouldn't want to do it with a younger man. I'm attracted, in person (as opposed to in my imagination), to mature women (including my wife, who knows about my feelings and fantasies and is wonderfully understanding). In my various travels, I've had three occasions where attractive guys came on to me (once, and I swear this is true, in a locker room at a YMCA!) -- I'm still in shape and women find me attractive (getting off topic, but just filling in some details). I wasn't at all tempted. I was actually creeped out by it. Yet, as a fantasy, totally by myself, with my cock in my hand, I can imagine the hottest (or craziest) things. It's like I'm two different people (aroused versus not aroused). Very strange organs, mind and penis -- and the conjoining of the two. Getting into free association here, as I'm getting warmed up. Anyway, why haven't I actually gone and done it? 1. Sexually transmitted diseases. These include all the usual, but they also include things that I can tell you most people don't consider. Such as oral and anal cancer from HPV. More than 50% of men become infected with hepatitis B, within two years of starting to have male on male sex; Asians consider Hep B to be social purgatory and 25% of the time, it leads to severe problems, such as cirrhosis and/or liver cancer. People know that anal sex is dangerous, HIV-wise. But they think that oral sex is relatively safe. Not so. Mouth cancer from HPV is as big a threat in gay men as cervical cancer in sexually-active straight women, if exposed. And I've never once had a fantasy about sucking latex. Would I have had in person gay encounters by now, were it not for concern about STDs? I've got to say -- maybe. But there are other reasons. Oh, wait. I forgot. Here's another STD that many people don't consider. Herpes. I've never had either form (genital or oral). Neither has my wife. The thought of bringing this home and giving it to her makes me shudder. And condoms provide only moderate protection. Just thinking about this stuff cools me off very effectively. 2. The infidelity thing. You know, it's funny -- no, make that selfish -- to think that I really don't think of extramarital gay sex as being unfaithful. It would just be sex. There's no danger of me falling in love with another guy. I'd just want to get hot and dirty with him, not catch anything from him, and not hurt anyone in the process. I'd think of it as no big deal. Just sex. Though I'm sure my wife would view this differently (even though she once said that maybe I should just try it and find out if it made me happy -- great woman, no?). Well, no (see reason number 1, above). 3. Social stigma. I used to be horrified at the thought of being "outed." But am I really gay, if I haven't really done it? Well, I have done it, a zillion times in my mind. But there's an old song (Standing on the corner, watching all the girls go by) which has the immortal line "you can't go to jail for what you're thinking." So, if it was only thought, that I suppose I could claim that I'm not really gay (or, more accurately, bi). But then there's the chat rooms, the cybersex, the drinks in the gay bars. That's not imaginary. I'm a physical virgin, gay wise (except for mutual masturbation at camp as a pre-). But, mentally speaking, I lost my cherry way back in the 70s, and by now I'd guess I'd call myself a cyberslut. But viruses don't travel on electrons or radiowaves. Getting back to social stigma, as I was saying, I used to be horrified at the thought of being "outed." But I first came out to my wife and I've told my story to a couple of good friends. The only reason I wouldn't be even more open about this is that, number one, stuff like this is (or should be) private. I don't like public displays of affection -- gay or straight. I think it's just good manners to be private about one's sex life (including sexual orientation) and to give others their privacy. The larger issue is that I can take whatever embarrassment comes my way, as a result of me being me, but I don't want to inflict any embarrasment on family. Why am I writing this? Well, I've been through a lot, mentally speaking, over many years, as a result of this -- "this" being my secret, imaginary life as a gay man. I went in and out of denial. I had so many times when I had an overwhelming compulsion to just go and do it. I still have these overwhelming compulsions to just go and do it. But, do you know what, I still haven't gone and done it. I've got good reasons for not going out and doing it, just as I've got good reasons to deny myself the pleasures of recreational drugs, high stakes gambling, mid-day alcohol, sky diving, and lots of other doubtless pleasurable experiences. The secret to being bicurious and keeping it only curious is to realize that relief is only a hand job away and to be creative in ways to keep hand jobs working. Also of help is to read what other people write about, online. I read a number of "married and bicurious" posts online and I found them all to be a little sad. Probably people will read this (what I'm writing here) and also find it a little sad. That's OK. Reality is often a little sad. But insights from different points of view build knowledge, and knowledge does help one to make good choices. What's good for me may not be good for you. That's not the point. I'm still not sure that I've got answers which will work forever for me, much less thinking that they'd work for anyone else. But it's my personal experience. I personally think that web sites like this one provide a valuable service, for otherwise gay men who can't (or won't) actually go out and do it in person with other guys. It provides a means to walk a little on the wild side (e.g. my cyberslut exhibitionist photos; occasional communications with other like-minded guys), but without the risk of picking up a germ, the likes of which don't travel across cyberspace.

My Ideal Person
Married bi, careful, trim/athletic, non-smoker, no drugs, responsible drinker. Safety first.


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