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Random thoughts (Do you like em big or little?)
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Mar 8, 2006 12:10 pm
Mood: thoughtful,
1812 Views
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I'm sitting here in my office, waiting to kick off a conference call that I won't really be participating in. I'm just the 'facilitator'. Go figure huh? What a job. Big bucks, low drag  LOL
I haven't posted much of late other than a description of how I spent my Sunday morning.. God I love t-girls. Especially 'Janie'.. If your reading this, give me a shout sweetheart!
My mind is always awhirl with thoughts and my emotions are always running deep and high.
Sex is never far away as is the guilt I've written about sooooo many times.
My lates 'wave' of guilt was reallys set off by having sex with a girlfriend of mine.
You know it IS interesting.. I NEVER feel the same level of guilt having sex with men or t-girls as I do having sex with woman.
I guess it's always been easier for me to rationalize the sex thing when it was simply men.
That and I do tend to get more emotionally 'invested' in girls. Not sure why that is btw.
I think most of the male lovers I've had woud say that I do connect with them on an emotional level. At least the ones who are honest and particularly, my regular partners/friends.
We have developed a bond but it's a much more male 'type' of bond... It's about friendship and things that we have in common.
With women it's different. I think. Not sure why this is. Anybody have any thoughts?
As always during the day, my thoughts turn to cocks. I'm just built that way I guess. I love sitting at my local Starbucks in the morning, watching all the people go by and fantasizing about what they have on under their clothes.
Does that cute guy with the killer ass over there have a cock that matches.. Hmm, hard to tell. No real bulge to speak of. I bet he's got a small 'package'. Damn...
Hey, check out that dude. Whoa! Looks like he's packing big time... Kind of nice face but a bit 'hard' looking... No way he's gay. No fucking way. Got to be a homophobe.
Look at THAT guy! OMG, how cute can one guy be! Well dressed, well 'manicured', nice hair. Shit, he's married. Still you can tell... Here's a guy that has everything... I mean everything.
People are SO interesting to watch. Not just in coffee shop or on the sidewalk or your typical public areas.
Sometime when your driving around, really concentrate on looking at the folks who are coming at you in their cars. It's amazing just how few of them are smiling. Almost all of them actually look pissed off. It's almost scary. Check it out and see if you agree?
I also love watching how people interact with each other. A man and wife or two guys or two girls. Friends, coworkers, strangers etc. the body language is deafening at times...
People are shy or outgoing... They're self absorbed or totally aware of what's going on around them (I love those folks!)
People treat the folks who serve them differently to. (Note: we're still in Starbucks here Some are very standoffish, some are very friendly. You can tell that some folks are looking down at the baristas or servers, others are genuinly thankful, open and honest. It's amazing.
I'm a people person, always have been. I always go out of my way to be nice to EVERYBODY. Doesn't make any difference who or what you are.
Bigshot's don't impress me and I do care about the 'little guys'
I quess I'm kind of lucky in the fact that during the course of my life, I've 'been there, done that'.
I've been on the bottom and on top and everwhere in between. I know how it feels to be treated like your a piece of dog shit and I also know how it feels to be treated like a 'king'.
I try to approach everyone as an equal until proven otherwise. It normally doesn't take long for me to spot a fake or a hypocrite or a genuine, loving sould. It's all very apparent for me.
It's so easy to become cynical. I constantly refuse to do that. No thanks. I'd rather believe that most if not all people are good, until proven otherwise. The alternative is just toooo bleak for me.
Have you ever noticed how badly family members tend to treat each other? It's horrible how we take our fathers, mothers, sisters and brothers for granted isn't it?
No one can hurt you quite as bad as a family member. They're SUPPOSED to love you, your SUPPOSED to trust them, but it rarely works out that way. I know that some of the worst hurt I've ever experienced in my life came from my fellow family members.. How about you?
Getting back to cocks for a moment (sorry, just can't go that long without thinking about 'em)
Don't you just LOVE how they feel when their flacid? So warm and soft... I love they way they look also. All wrinkly and kind of innocent looking. They're positivly cute aren't they?
They're so much fun to play with when they're soft but you never really get that much of a chance to do so. It's the nature of the 'beast' I guess huh? Once you start playing with them, they typicall get all hard and throbbing. Of course hard and throbbing as a special place all it's own right?
I just love playing with my lovers cock AFTER he's cum. There's a point right after he orgasms when typically, most guys will go NUTS if you touch their cock. They're just so sensitive.
But if you persist and have patience, you can get to the point where the sensitivity diminishes and you can play with it WITHOUT having to worry about it getting all hard and drippy.
I love that time. Anybody else with me on that?
I just love taking a flacid cock and pulling it out to it's full length, rolling it up/around and just generaly enjoying it. SOOOOO much fun.
And their just SO damned cute. Of course uncut cocks are a whole topid unto themselves aren't they?
Egos are stange things aren't they? Do you have a large ego or a small one? Which is better?
Do you LIKE guys with big egos? How about those that have little or none? Which attracts you the most?
Ok, looks like I DO have to participate on this conf call a bit. Thanks for listening to my random thoughts
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I just love my t-girl friends....
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Mar 7, 2006 7:36 am
Mood: overpowered,
2087 Views
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Howdy campers. Just a quick post/update on what's been keeping ol' tazzerman busy.
I spent a WONDERFUL Sunday morning with my t-girl friend 'Janie'.
She's just SOOO darn cute. An horny also
Yes, it's a loooooong drive to her place but it's well worth it, no doubt.
Janie and I are almost always in contact online. We follow each others 'exploits' closely, chat constantly and love to make each other hot hot hot online. (I know, I'm easy but hey, it's STILL fun)
Janie hit me up last week and was in an especially horny mood.
I had spent last week getting stood up by multiple different folks and was about to burst...
Timing was right for sure for a little t-girl lovin..
So, I do my normal 'tap dance' routine and get early Sunday morning freed up. I make the long trek out into the hinter land if central Indiana and arrive at Janie's place hornier than ever.
I knock on the door, Janie answers it and is looking mighty fine gents, mighty fine.
She as the most delectable, long thin legs, a very cute, slim little butt, and is just soooo cute.
Anyway, we fall into each others arms almost immediately, kissing and hugging and playfully enjoying each other.
I finally sit down on the lazy boy chair, Janie walks up and I give her a great big bear hug. (She likes that btw I also start playing with her little nipples, she likes that even more.. Our passions are REALLY ignited at this point. The bulge in my jeans is growing bigger by the second as is the bulge in her panties.
She finally kneels down in front of me and slides off my Levis and proceeds to give me one of the best blow jobs I've ever had.
Very slowly she licks the tip of my cock, circling the head with her tongue. This is driving me crazy!
Then she slowly engulfs my cock to the hilt, inch by inch then slowly back out again. Janie uses the rocking motion of the lazy boy to perfect advantage and slowly engulfs my cock again and again. In and out, sliding my dick down 'her' throat and back out again. Flicking her tongue around my dick head.
This goes on for what seems like an hour. Amazing. All the while I'm playing with her little nipples. I swear, Janie can cum just from me doing that!
Finally, I 'beg for mercy She stops and sits back on the floor in front of me with a wicked little smile on her face.
She's wearing some very sexy black hose. They're so smooth and silky.......
She leans back and takes my cock in between her two gorgeous little feet and gives me a fantastic footjob. She knows I'm a MAJOR foot fetish and she's always so willing to please me..
This is a first for her btw, she's never given anybody a foot job before. It certainly doesn't take long before she's and expert my friends
Once again, passion over comes us (especially me!)
and I swoop her up and take her back to the bedroom. We fall into the bed, kissing madly and stroking her rock hard cock. Meanwhile, she's STILL playing with my cock, using her dainty little feet.
I'm rock hard, and leaking precum all over the place.
I quickly remove all of her clothes, except for those wonderful hose.. All the while kissing and hugging and playing with her nipples and rock hard cock.
She turns over on her back and says, in a husky, sex starved voice, come here big boy, I want you inside of me.
I climb in between her luscious legs and slowly push the head of my cock up against her very tight little asshole.
Without much urging, my cock enters her. Her butt is already wet and leaking it's own internal lube. My cock slowly slides inside that very tight whole accompanied with her moans and sighs.
I lift her legs up and slide my cock inside to the hilt, feeling her asshole loosen a bit as it accepts the length and with.
I start licking and sucking on her toes at the same time I start fucking her in a slow, rhythmic pace. I reach for her cock with my other hand and start stroking it in time with my thrusts.
We continue this for what seems like hours, changing the pace from slow to fast and back to slow. Sliding out of that tight little ass almost all the way then plunging back in as far as I can.
Our pace finally quickens and we're both lost in the throes of orgasmic bliss. I pump what seems like 10 gallons of cum into Janie's ass at the same time her cock explodes and sprays us both with cumm.
We fall into each others arms, sweaty and breathless. My knees are weak and she's still quivering from the orgasm..
We spend some time, entwined in each others arms, basking in the 'glow' of each others embrace, covered in cum and total sexual release.
Afterwords, we get all cleaned up and get dressed, playing with each other, tickling and kissing and hugging.
We bid adieu and off I go, back into the wilds of central Indiana. Now with a grin from ear to ear on my face!
That's how I spent my Sunday morning. How's about you?
p.s. Janie (You know who you are) THANK YOU for yet another wonderful morning!!! I can't wait till we get together again...
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The Constant Gardner!
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Mar 6, 2006 8:34 am
Mood: adventurous,
1602 Views
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Well, 'Spring Fever' has hit and I'm now positively 'giddy' with ideas and projects. Unfortunatly, the weather just ain't cooperating around here.
That's March huh?
The list of projects is ever growing though and I've been spending time cleaning and sharpening my tools, raking up debris from the winter, turning compost and pruning/cutting things back etc.
This spring I'm planning on the following new projects:
Ground covers galore!! I've got a lot of mature trees in my backyard and have been trying to grass in a number of spots for over 12 years now with zero success. Ok, ENOUGH!! It's time to put in ground covers and be done with it.
I've zeroed in on Pachysandra. It meets all of my needs and can grow in virtually total shade in zone 5. Plus, it's an evergreen and will look nice in the winter time.
The areas that don't get ground cover will get mulched. Under my big apple tree for one. Mulch makes sense since I'll have apples dropping all over from around June/July to Oct I plan mulching the area good with my normal mulch and then I'll put in a nice little bench and a bird bath or something. Maybe edge part of the area with either Hostas or some annual, shade tolerant flower like impatients. Should look pretty.
I will be redoing the area under my main bird feeder. Currently, it's ringed with some cheap precast concrete edging material and then that's filled with white marble. Bye bye white marble. I'm going to scoop all that out, replace it with good garden soil and plant some annuals to brighten that spot up a bit. Probably Geraniums.
Next up? The north side of the house. It's atrocious and long neglected. It doesn't get much sun either. I'm going to put in a new bed along the foundation and take the existing big clump of hostas, divide them and plant them in the new bed. In a couple of years, it will look MUCH better.
Out front, I'm going to redefine the front bed plant some new hostas under the Hawthorn tree and mulch mulch mulch.
I'm also going to do SOMETHING around the mailbox, just not sure what.
What are your plans for this spring????
-tm
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Don't worry about ol' Tazzerman
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Mar 5, 2006 8:01 am
Mood: bouncy,
1604 Views
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I know I've been a bit down of late but please, don't worry about ol' Tazzerman. I'll be fine.
Really.
Just had a bad case of the guilts that set in, caused by any number of different factors.
I'm past/over it now, thank God!
Yep, Ol' Tazzerman is back to being his normal, chipper, happy go lucky self again...
Besides, it's almost spring and I'm getting the yard work 'itch'.
I've taken advantage of the past couple of nice weekends to get a jump on things. Raking, pruning, trimming, general cleanup, cutting back etc etc.
I just LOVE getting outdoors and enjoying the sun and the fresh air.
Granted, this has been an abnormally mild winter for around here but still, it feels good to get outside for extended periods.
The days are getting longer, the weather is warming, I even have daffodils starting to come up. (The Crocus have been up for a few weeks already)
I'm well on with my planning for new projects this season and can't wait to get started.
This year, I'll be concentrating on some nice ground cover that will green up the bare areas underneath my trees.
Yep it's true, I've finally capitulated and given up trying to grow grass in those areas. It only took me 12 years or so I'm nothing if not stubborn huh? LOL
It's also time to turn the compost again and to start getting the garden ready for 'maters
It's been VERY dry around here so I plan on taking advantage of that and getting all the beds and my garden in shape early. Who knows when or if mother nature will turn the spigot on and soak us with toooo much rain. Might as well make hay while the sun is shining, the ground is dry and workable huh?
I'm also looking at a spot that's just perfect for Day Lilly's and trying to decide which ones I should plant. Any suggestions? I want to plant a big giant flowering mass of Day Lilly's that will somewhat hide both my neighbors unsightly shed and 'dumping ground a bit and screen the cable TV connection post from few. The added plus is that I'll define the exact corners of my property so that the neighbor will quit running their lawn mower anywhere from 10-15' into my property. They consistently butcher their lawns and mow it down to within an inch of it's life. I ALWAYS keep my mower at it's highest setting and try to keep the grass long but well trimmed. It makes for a much more luxurious/thick lawn.
Anyway, as you can tell, my thoughts have turned to gardening and that ALWAYS makes me VERY happy.
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An ongoing case of the guilts
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Mar 4, 2006 4:37 am
Mood: contemplative,
1509 Views
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Yep, it's true. Ol' Tazzerman has been consumed by guilt of late. My lying, cheating and manipulating just to get a hard cock in my mouth has taken a LOT of the joy out this whole endeavour. Sometimes, late at night, I wonder to myself if it's all worth it?
I'm SO fucking pathetic..
For over a year I was able to basically supress and ignore the guilt but lately, it's been hitting me when I least expect it.
It's even taken some of the joy out of my favorite part, unzipping a new lovers pants and pulling his cock out for the first time.
I start thinking about my wife and what SHE would think about me and wham, the joy is gone, the fun is gone and the passion melts away.
That's not fair to my lovers and it really reduces the pleasure for me..
Damn... I had such a good thing going to. Now, I'm thinking that I'm going to have to stop this 'cause I just can't take it anymore.
I come home and she's here waiting for me. Looking at me with longing and loving eyes, trusting me, needing me and all the old feelings that were there when we first met come flooding back like a huge tidal wave.
I think I might an a small idea of what you gay guys go through here. Always looking for someone to love but always ending up with just sex.
For me, the act of having sex and the emotion called love have always been so closely tied together. Even though I've had more than my share of one night stands and casual sex, I was always predesposed to actually LOVE the one I was having sex with.
I was able to surpress that for over a year. Having cold, casual sex was a major turn on but you know, I want more.
There's a HUGE difference between just having sex and 'making love'. I really do fall into the catagory of making love. That emotional bond does it for me in ways that I can't even describe.
Unfortunatly, given my current situation, it's impossible.
So, aside from the guilt that I feel because of the lying and cheating, I also now feel empty inside because of the nature of having cold, causal, unfeeling, selfish sex. Sex for the single reason of just getting off. Does it get any more low than that?
Yes, I try to connect with my male lovers unfortunatly, most times we can't. Most of the guys I've been with are married and are in basically the same situation I am. We can't LET ourselves get emotionally attached.
There are a few notable exceptions to this btw. I have four friends/lovers that I have connected with. We are very much becoming good friends and interestingly, that friendship has very little to do with sex.
But for the most part, this entire 'quest' as I call it, as been an excersize in cold, selfish sex for sex sake.
I am NOT built that way folks and it ways heavily on my mind. Couple that with the guilt over what I've done and am doing to my marraige and to my soul mate and I think you see my dilema.
Any insight??
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3
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Update to yesterday's post
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Mar 2, 2006 5:47 am
Mood: amused,
1465 Views
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Update to yesterday's post.
Well, yesterday was a complete freakin bust. Sheesh. I couldn't get laid if I was paying for it.
Quick run down of what I had scheduled for yesterday and the results.
1) Early morning blow job.. Guy didn't show. Well, that's not 100% accurate. After I sent him my pissed off-o-gram, he wrote me back and said that he had circled the Cracker Barrel for an hour looking for me.. Sheesh. What a maroon. I was sitting inside dude! Why didn't you come in?? I double checked the email he sent me the day before and he specifically stated that he would be inside, wearing a blue jogging suit. No sex
2) My bi-girlfriend and I were supposed to get together right after work and possibly meet up with a new buddy of mine. He is hopefully going to be one of my ongoing 'business man specials'. (Thats my term for guys that come into town on bussiness on a regular basis. I love 'em.. Besides, they come equipped with their own hotel room
Well, my bi-girlfriend calls me first thing yesterday and tells me that she's feeling sick.
Through the course of the day, we exchange emails, calls and chats. More on this situation further down.
3) I was hopefully going to end the day with my new buddy the 'Business Mans Special'. He's supposed to be coming into Indy and will be staying at a hotel right around the corner from my house. PERFECT... Nope.. He hits me up on chat and tells me that his plans have changed and he's heading to Dallas.
4) My bi-girlfriend finally emails me and says that she IS feeling better, let's meet for some drinks after work. So I do. We start talking and she's pretty much ready to hit the no-tell motel with me. (She's great btw) Anyway, a couple of more drinks and the conversations turns VERY personal and intense. Yep, you guessed.. Yours truly talked himself right out of a good fuck for last night. By the time the conversation ended, she was in tears, I was in tears and the last thing in the world she wanted to do was go fuck. Man, I'm snake bit..
Don't get me wrong.. She's a great gal and we WILL get together again soon, just NOT last night.
In the meantime, when everything was at it's darkest yesterday, I hit up one of my t-girl friends and as usualy, she was MORE than happy to have me come over. Unfortunatly, she lives in a small town about 50-60 miles from Indy. I was prepared to drop everything and make the trip when my bi-girlfriend decided to meet me. So, I cancelled my plans with 'Jane' (I'm SOOO sorry baby but I know you understand, I'll try to get to c'ville this weekend. I promise to make it up to ya!)
Meanwhile, I was also contacted by a VERY cute looking guy from a different site. He wants me to fuck his pretty little ass. Y'all know the Tazzerman is ALWAYS up for that right? I think the term he used was 'pound me into submission'. Gorgeous ass guys. I can't wait to meet him. Hopefully, he and I will be able to get together this afternoon.
Btw, the pic in this post is him..
If not, ol' Tazzerman is going to absolutely BURST....
Stay tuned for the ongoing saga.
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No shows.. Don't ya just hate them???
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Mar 1, 2006 5:29 am
Mood: aggravated,
1540 Views
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Ok, so I get up VERY early today, drive all the freaking way out to the far eastside of town, sit and wait at a Cracker Barrel for an hour and the guy never shows up. I now have to fight my way through the worst traffic in the entire city to get to my office, I'm horny, have a semi and have had NO cock for over a week.
Why is that guys do this shit? Come on now..
Usually, I'm pretty good at sensing the fakers, players and voyeurs out here who NEVER have any intention of actually getting together.
This time, my horniess took over unfortunatly and my little head led me around to the far eastside of town.
Pathetic. All it means is that from now on I will be even MORE wary and watchful. If my freak radar twinges even a little bit, forget it. No doubt some very honest and nice guys are going to lose out because of this jerk. (Btw, Jerk... You know who your are.. I've blocked you from this blog and I've banished you for ever from my email and chat accounts. CYA. Buh Bye.. No second chance)
I refuse to be burned by these assholes....
Sheesh... Sorry for the rant here but I've really not had a good start to my day.
Not to mention, I'M HORNY and have a semi that WILL NOT GO AWAY damnit.
Luckily, I have another gentleman who is coming into town later today and I KNOW he's honest and sincere and HORNY. So I should be 'getting some' later which, as I'm sure you all know by now, keeps the Tazzerman happy and the world safe... That's a 'good thing'
Thanks for listening ....
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Here's one for all of us lying, adulterizing, cheating, married, 'bisexuals'
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Feb 25, 2006 4:58 am
Mood: contemplative,
1724 Views
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How many of us are there here on OP? LOTS. Everyday, I read posts from guys who are just like me. A lying, cheating, adulterizing, married, 'bisexual'. (LCAMB for short)
We're all different but yet the same. We rationalize our cheating in more ways than I can count. We say we've been curious our whole lifes and only now decided to give sucking cock a try. The rest of the world be damned.
We're selfish, wracked with guilt, coniving, manipulative and depressed. We would destroy all those around us, lose everything we have, hurt those that love us the most, just for the love and/or sex of a good man.
I find it interesting that all of us are mainly in our 40's. (Some a bit older grant you)
Why is that? Is there something about us, that when we reach our mid-life, our thoughts and desires automatically turn to cocks?
Is this some kind of alternate mid-life crisis that we're going through? Instead of buying a Harley or quiting our jobs and taking off for Africa, we choose to suck and fuck other men...
Maybe it IS the thrill of the unknown or the 'danger' involved that excites us.
Guys, I don't have any answers.
I do know however, that I AM willing to put everything on the line just so I can continue to have sex with men. I will cheat, lie, manipulate and rationalize in every way imaginable in order to continue feeling the love and sex of another man. The draw over powers me at times.
And you know, it's NOT just the act itself. It IS the lying, cheating, manipulation and danger that excites me to some extent.
It's like a game. We get to see just exactly how far we can push the 'envelope' and get away with it. The consequences of failure are dire my friends. We all know that.
Maybe it IS the thrill that draws us and lends excitement to an otherwise humdrum existance?
When I first started what I called my 'Quest', I had rationalized in my own mind, that if I was just having sex with men, it was alright. I really wasn't cheating my wife. It was 'only' men. Yeah right. What a load of horse manure that was! I've since gotten over that rationalization and have 'branched' out with my sexual soires to include women as well as men.
I've given up on any pretense surrounding my adultry. Maybe that is the next step in this, who knows.
Further, who knows what's next. Exactly what am I capable of doing? I've already lied, cheated, manipulated and put into dire risk all that I hold dear, where do I go from here? Where's the next thrill going to come from? I'm like an addict, looking for the next big high but never quite able to find it.
This is the part that scares me the most.
I don't want to leave my wife, she needs me and I need her.. I don't want to change my life, I kind of like where I'm at right now.
I guess this point was inevetable. Where do I go from here?
I have no doubt that ALL of us LCAMBs will reach or have reached this point. It's decision time folks.
Do I keep on doing what I'm doing? CAN I keep on doing this? If not, what do I change? Do I give up my LCAMB ways? Do I throw away 40+ years of living and building and start all over just so I can suck cock?
Like I said, I have no answers, only questions.
I eagerly await your responses.
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To link to this blog (tazzerman2000) use [blog tazzerman2000] in your messages.
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