| Dancing and Age |
Jan 19, 2008 9:52 am
351 Views | There are a lot of things a man can do to fool everyone as to his true age. There are a number of products out there to help. Hair dyes and wrinkle cream, cosmetic surgury and toupees, contact lenses, laxatives and Viagra.
You can talk about the things younger people talk about. You can wear young clothes and drive a young person's car. You can even pretend to like young people's music.
But it's all over once you hit the dance floor.
Once you start flailing away doing the Frug or the Monkey or the Locomotion, you've blown your cover. When people see you dance they know you grew up with Chubby Checker. Even slow dances give you away. With your arm stuck straight out like a railway crossing gate.
The horrible truth is that you have to make a choice. You must either be honest about your age or never ever ever dance. It's a tough one.
My advice is to do both. | |
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3 Comments | |
| Last Will and Testament |
Jan 10, 2008 12:33 pm
Mood: devious, 266 Views | As the bunch of us gets older, we're seeing more commercials for wills. How to prepare them. Why to have them. What to put in them.
I don't think wills are used to their full potential. First of all, don't try to say how much you care about people in your will. It just makes them feel bad. They don't need to read it from you after you're gone -- they need to hear it from you while you're still around.
To me the true fun is to use your will to make people improve themselves.
For example, you can leave your riding mower to your neighbor, provided he returns the hedge clippers he borrowed from you in 1973 -- and it has to be the exact pair -- you kept a picture.
You can leave your barbeque to the people up the street provided they camp out in your back yard listening to their dog bark all night, as you did for so many years.
You can leave 5,000 dollars to the city provided they repave the street like they promised in the last municipal election.
You get the idea. Have some fun with it. A will is your last chance to make a point -- and nobody can talk back. | |
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0 Comments | |
| Overconfidence |
Jan 7, 2008 9:44 am
Mood: smart, 303 Views | Sometimes when a man reaches middle age, he gets a little too full of himself. Maybe he's been successful at work, has a nice home and family, hasn't raised any convicted felons, and he starts thinking he knows it all.
This ticks off everyone around him and, ironically, he's the last one to know it.
So watch for these signs that indicate you're getting obnoxious:
People at work volunteer you for a climb of Mount Everest.
When you talk to neighbors, they run away, pretending to hear their phones ring.
On Valentine's Day you get a box of prunes.
The other guys in your car pool kick the muffler off your car so they can't hear what you're saying.
When the firemen arrive, the first thing they do is hose you down, even though the burning building is across the street.
And for you married guys:
Whenever you talk at a party, your wife sits behind you shaking her head.
Your wife insists that when the two of you travel, you go on separate planes.
So if you find any of these things happening to you, you may be a little too overconfident. | |
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2 Comments | |
| St Peter at the Pearly Gates |
Apr 20, 2007 8:25 pm
Mood: mischievous, 777 Views | Albert Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the pearly gates he meets St. Peter who says , "I can't let anyone in unless I have some form of ID. Can you prove who you are?"
Einstein takes out a pencil and scratches out his famous relativity theory, explaining it as he goes along. St. Peter says, "Okay, you can enter."
Pablo Picasso dies and goes to heaven. At the pearly gates he meets St. Peter who says, "I can't let anyone in unless I have some sort of ID. Can you prove who you are?"
Picasso erases Einstein's formulas and replaces it with one of his paintings. St. Peter says, Okay, you can enter."
George W. Bush dies and goes to heaven. At the pearly gates he meets St. Peter who says," I can't let anyone in unless I have some sort of ID. Can you prove who you are? I had to ask Einstein and Picasso, so I have to ask you, too."
Bush says, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?" St. Peter sighs and says, "Okay, you can enter." | |
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1 comment | |
| I guess those Nazis were right |
Mar 13, 2007 6:33 pm
845 Views | The following is a letter to the editor that appeared in my local paper today (3/13):
Often we hear that "Those who don't know history are bound to repeat it."
In regard to the U.S. invasion of Iraq, a history lesson can be enlightening. During the war crime trials at Nuremberg, psychologist Gustave Gilbert visited Nazi Reichsmarshall Hermann Goering in his prison cell.
"We got around to the subject of war again and I said that, contrary to his attitude, I did not think that the common people are very thankful for leaders who bring them war and destruction," Gilbert wrote in his journal, Nuremberg Diary.
"Why of course the people don't want war," Goering shrugged. "Why would some poor slob on a farm want to risk his life in a war when the best that he can get out of it is to come back to his farm in one piece? Naturally the common people don't want war; neither in Russia nor in England nor in America, nor for that matter in Germany. That is understaood. But, after all, it is the leaders of the country who determine the policy and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along whether it is a democracy or a fascist dictatorship or a parliament or a communist dictatorship."
"There is one difference," Gilbert pointed out. "In a democracy the people have some say in the matter through their elected representatives, and in the United States, only Congress can declare wars."
"Oh that is all well and good," Goering responded, "but voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country."
That was 61 years ago and our administration hasn't learned that lesson yet. | |
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3 Comments | |
| What a funeral |
Feb 5, 2007 11:17 am
767 Views | Last weekend I attended the funeral of a lady who was like a second mother to me. I know all of her family as well as I know my own...or at least I thought so.
This lady had two nephews..let's call them Bob and John... who are brothers. Both were fishermen, hunters, snowmobilers, you name it, if it was outdoors, they did it.
Now John hadn't been seen at any family get togethers for the past couple of years, not picnics, weddings, nothing.
Then at the funeral, as I was talking to the deceased lady's daughter, the daughter said, "Don't look now, but here comes my cousin John."
And as I turned, I saw a large blonde lady standing in the doorway. The face was unmistakable. It was John. Now I knew why he hadn't been around for a while.
And to make matters worse, Bob is an ultra-conservative who is as homophobic as they come. He told me he had told his brother that he was crazy and needed a psychiatrist and he refused to call John his sister.
So what started out as a somber funeral turned into a not-so-happy family reunion. It's one I'll never forget. | |
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2 Comments | |
| WHAT'S WITH THE REPEATS? |
May 28, 2006 10:09 am
1149 Views | What's been going on here recently? Has anyone else noticed that old blogs are appearing in the blogs column under new dates?
Aren't there enough new blogs being written? Do the powers that be at OP feel they have to post old blogs under new dates?
This is annoying to say the least. I come here to read members' thoughts and ideas, but I'd like to think I'm seeing something new, not rehashed.
But then again, I guess it's the season for reruns, isn't it? | |
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7 Comments | |
| Saved some $$$$ |
Jan 26, 2006 4:28 am
Mood: cynical, 1428 Views | Just got two winks, one from a 20 year old and one from a 23 year old. Not bad for an old guy, huh?
Anyhow, since I'm only a standard member, I can't respond to them, so, being the curious guy that I am, I decide to upgrade to silver so I can find out what these two guys see in me.
And my credit card application is rejected! Seems to be a problem with the CVV2/CVC2 number. Well, I copied everything down exactly as it is on my card, so if that number is wrong, it's been wrong ever since I've had the card. And the card has worked without a problem for over three years.
So I guess I never do find out what those two youngsters wanted with me and OP doesn't get $33,95 of my hard earned money. Maybe I'll put it toward a gallon of gas. | |
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3 Comments | |
| Life and Death and...What? |
Oct 3, 2005 5:57 pm
Mood: contemplative, 1491 Views | Today (10/3) as I read the blogs I noticed they seemed to fall into two categories.
First were the ones that almost made me cry. OP members who are dying, or friends of Op members who are dying; people taking on problems of others and feeling overwhelmed with the pressure. Young people who are expected to be wise beyond their years and who feel guilty because they're not.
Second were the ones who complained because they can't get a date, or haven't had head in a week, or had to get up early for work today.
Quite the contrast, huh? I realize it takes all kinds to make up a world, and to each person his own problems are major, but when I read these blogs, I also realize how lucky I am. I have friends and family who are healthy and who do not burden me with their problems. My sex life is satisfying. My own health is excellent.
My heart goes out to the people in the first group. If I could help each of you, I would. To the second group I say: That's life. Learn to live with it. | |
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4 Comments | |
| boys...bois...or men? |
Sep 21, 2005 7:43 am
Mood: contemplative, 1631 Views | First off, I read everyone's blogs almost daily and respond to those I feel need responding to. However, this will be my first and probably only blog.
Does anyone else have a problem with men in their late 30's and 40's calling themselves boys or bois? I was always under the impression that a boy (boi) was someone in his 20's. Am I wrong?
What ever happened to a person admitting he has reached a stage of life when he should be calling himself a man?
Is this boy/boi thing conceit, an attempt to stop time, or am I making too much of nothing? | |
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7 Comments | |
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