| I'm Not Getting Older |
May 17, 2008 11:00 am
Mood: contemplative, 379 Views | I'm not getting older. I'm getting more focused.
Some people see the aging process as the law of diminishing returns. I prefer to look at it as Nature's way of coordinating knowledge, experience, and focus.
As you lose your hair and vision and hearing and libido and general degree of attractiveness to members of the opposite sex, or any sex, of any species, you're left to concentrate on your true purpose in life.
I'm still not completely sure what that is, but for me it's trending toward some combination of eating junk food, watching television, and complaining.
I'm sure I'll have a clearer picture any day now. I'll keep you posted. | |
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5 Comments | |
| Won't communicate? |
Apr 11, 2008 7:15 am
Mood: thoughtful, 381 Views | Lately it seems that a lot of guys I send messages to here don't bother to respond. Not even with a "Not interested." So I've come up with 10 signs that a person is not communicative.
1. When you phone somebody, you're hoping to get their voice mail.
2. You never ask anyone a question because you have no interest in their answer.
3. When you have a passenger in your car, you turn the radio up as loud as it will go.
4. You spend a lot of time alone in the garage.
5. When you have something to say, you speak loudly without taking a pause and then quickly exit the room.
6. E-mail is your favorite method of communicating because you can say whatever you want without interruption and then delete the reply without reading it.
7. When you come upon someone walking in the street, instead of saying "Good morning" you pretend to see something important in the distance and start running towards it.
8. Your office phone has been set on Voice Message since 1991.
9. On the rare ocassion you send greeting cards, you don't sign them.
10. You wear headphones that aren't plugged into anything. | |
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1 comment | |
| Do I sound desperate? |
Apr 3, 2008 4:45 am
Mood: annoyed, 482 Views | Pardon me for this rant, but I'm getting tired of having guys think I'll hook up with them just because they're a few years younger than I am.
In the past week or so I've gotten at least 5 propositions from guys who are in their middle or late 50's (I'm 62).
Every one of these guys was fat, bordering on obese. And I'm not guessing here; they have pics in their profiles. One guy even has a cock pic, but you can barely see his cock peeking out from under huge folds of belly fat.
Now I'm only 5'6", 130 pounds, and I thought that was fairly clear in my profile. So what makes these guys think I'd want to hook up with them? Do they really think I'm that desperate because of my age?
I try to politely tell them that there isn't going to be any contact, but some don't seem to get the message. One guy even told me I was too limited in my choice of men.
Come on, guys. Take a REALLY good look at yourselves in the mirror. You aren't attractive at all...at least not to me...and the fact that you're a couple of years younger doesn't change that. | |
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7 Comments | |
| Random Thoughts |
Mar 26, 2008 12:18 pm
Mood: contemplative, 345 Views | 1. If I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have had any friends at all.
2. The internet has it all wrong. Guys my age don't want to be interactive. We don't even want to be active.
3. Opinions are like toothbrushes. Everybody has one, so there's no need to share.
4. In my life, the only things that have gone up in value are love, friendship, and sleep.
5. If information was medicine, most of it would be a laxative.
6. Ideas are like children. In most cases the conception is the only fun part.
7. Simple things last forever. Just look at my Uncle Louie.
8. My neighbor spent so much time in the donut shop he was arrested for impersonating a police officer.
9. It's very humbling when the voices in your head are talking to somebody else.
10. If it looks like a duck and walks like a duck, it's probably about my age. | |
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1 comment | |
| Define AVERAGE, please |
Mar 9, 2008 11:59 am
Mood: confused, 516 Views | In the past month or so I've been contacted by 3 different OP members looking to hook up. Before I do anything with anyone, I always check their profiles, and in these cases, the men listed their heights as 5'7", 5'11", and 5'8". Every one of them put "average" for his body size.
I met the first guy just to talk. He was about 5'7" all right, and I estimate he weighed 180 pounds. I wrote to the other two asking for their weights. The 5'11" guy weighed 220, and the 5'8" guy weighed 200.
Now, I'm only 5'6" and I weight 130. To me that's average. All three of these guys should be "a little extra padding" at the very least, and the 5'8" guy is pushing "ample" at 200 pounds.
Just what do guys these days think is "average"? Needless to say, I decided not to hook up with any of these three. Not that I have anything against them as people, but I just have a problem having any kind of physical relations with someone who is more than 40 pounds heavier than I am.
Has anybody else noticed this "average" problem? | |
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9 Comments | |
| Define that, please |
Feb 23, 2008 12:57 pm
Mood: Informative, 466 Views | ARBITRATOR...a cook who leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's
AVOIDABLE...what a bullfighter tries to do
BERNADETTE...the act of torching a mortgage
BURGLARIZE...what a crook sees with
CONTROL...a short, ugly inmate
COUNTERFEITER... a worker who puts together kitchen cabinets
ECLIPSE...what an English barber does for a living
EYEDROPPER...a clumsy ophthalmologist
HEROES...what a guy in a boat does
LEFT BANK... what the robber did when his bag was full of money
MISTY...how golfers create divots
PARADOX...two physicians
PARASITES... what you see from the Eiffel Tower
PHARMACIST...a helper on the farm
POLARIZE...what penguins see with
RUBBERNECK...what you do to relax your wife
SELFISH...what the owner of a seafood store does
SUDAFED...brought litigation against a government official | |
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5 Comments | |
| Words of Wisdom |
Feb 14, 2008 1:00 pm
Mood: philosophical, 414 Views | 1. If you find that time goes by too fast, spend an hour with a boring relative.
2. Monster Trucks are for people who don't understand wrestling.
3. Water seeks its own level. Booze goes straight to the head.
4. Never carry gasoline in the trunk of your car unless it's in a container of some kind.
5. He who laughs last had to wait for the stitches to come out.
6. Is that all there is? I hope so.
7. Cherchez la fun.
8. It's okay to be unreliable...until you're alone...which you will be.
9. If you don't believe life is full of surprises, you've never changed a diaper.
10. Lawn ornaments are nature's way of getting back at your neighbors. | |
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3 Comments | |
| Pics at Peak |
Feb 8, 2008 8:05 am
383 Views | A lot of guys I know have a photograph of themselves in great physical shape. Maybe they were on the rowing team or maybe they were running every day or maybe they just had the time and motivation to work out on a regular basis.
So they have this picture of themselves with small waists and rippling muscles. It might be on their desks or somewhere in their homes or, even worse, buried deep in their minds.
Every time they see that picture they're reminded of how the aging process has destroyed them. It's been a constant deterioration from that earlier peak of physical prowess to the pitiful flabby lethargic bald specimen thay have now become.
I, on the other hand, have a picture of myself at the beach at the age of 13. My weight was within ten pounds of what it is now and there is no physical evidence of any type of muscle. I can stand beside that picture at any time and comfort myself that I have not "started to sag" or "let myself go" or "lost a step."
I was out of shape at 13 and I've maintained it all these years. Nobody looks at my picture and says, "Wow, is that you?" Instead of looking good for a year or two and then feeling bad my whole life, I opted for looking bad all the time and feeling good my whole life. | |
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3 Comments | |
| Speed Kills |
Jan 30, 2008 6:05 pm
404 Views | I was out driving the other day and I was speeding. I was at least 20 per cent over the speed limit and I went right by a parked police car, but he didn't chase me or signal me or pull me over.
That's because I was pretty much the slowest car on the road. Everybody speeds now. The average car today goes much faster than the average car of 30 years ago. Yet the average driver today is much older than the average driver of 30 years ago.
Does that make sense to you? That as our population ages we think it's a good idea to give them more horsepower?
Think about your own grandfather -- his eyesight, his hearing, his reaction time, his alertness, his sleepy leg. Please don't allow him to be at the wheel of a speeding car.
You must put the safety of others ahead of your impatience for the inheritance. | |
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3 Comments | |
| What was that? |
Jan 23, 2008 12:53 pm
392 Views | | My neighbor is pretty stupid. He bought his wife a wig for her birthday because he heard she was getting bald at the office. | |
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3 Comments | |
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