| I'm your Genie! Your wish is my command |
Jul 3, 2008 1:12 pm
Mood: magical, 139 Views | A man walks into a bar with a paper bag... He sits down and places the bag on the counter. The bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag.
The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about 9" high and sets him on the counter.
He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well.
He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he places in front of the piano. The little man sits down at the piano, and starts playing a beautiful Piece by Mozart!
' Where on earth did you get that?' says the bartender. The man responds by reaching into the paper bag.
This time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says: 'Here. Rub it.'
So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him. 'I will grant you one wish... Just one wish... each person is only allowed one!'
The bartender gets real excited. Without hesitating he says, 'I want A million bucks!'
A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon followed by another duck, then another. Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming!
The bartender turns to the man and says, 'Y'know, I think your Genie's' a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million Ducks.'
'No shit!!' says the man, 'do you really think I asked for a 9 inch pianist?'
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LOL
I'll be YOUR Genie today. Ask me for ANYTHING sexual that your heart desires. Your wish is my command... LOL.
Have a great holiday weekend!
SlimJim
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7 Comments | |
| Don't get confused...It's just a story |
Jul 2, 2008 4:31 pm
Mood: nobody does it, 198 Views | This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.
Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it.
It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.
LOL
I'm just a Nobody!
Have a great day tomorrow.
[SlimJim
pic of the day | |
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5 Comments | |
| Catching my breath and smiling again |
Jul 1, 2008 1:35 pm
Mood: okay, 284 Views | I'm kinda coming out of my blue funk that's been caused by my living situation with Dad and his dimentia. He's settled down the last couple of days and made life easier. I called his psychiatrist but the office is closed all week due to vacations, so I have to wait til next week to talk to someone about what's going on...
I must formulate a plan to extricate myself from taking care of him. He's been living with me for almost 2 years. The stress of living this way is too much for me. I feel him taking me off the deep end of sanity, and I definately don't want to go there. It's time to think about ME and MY life, not his.... Selfish and self serving as that sounds, I must start thinking of my future and MY life.
So, I'll be here more than I have in the last 4 days. I'll try to catch up on some blogs and start commenting again. My sense of humor is returning as the stress lessens. Thank you all for your concerns about me, but I'll be fine...
Here's a little true joke for you...
Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
A: Because those men already have boyfriends.
And that's the truth!
SlimJim
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10 Comments | |
| Too exhausted |
Jun 27, 2008 5:02 pm
Mood: numb, 572 Views | I'm exhausted.... physically drained and devoid of all emotion.
It's a long story... Dad thinks there's nothing wrong with him, wants to move out and live by himself. He's tired of me controlling his life.
The anger, the venom, the hate he's been throwing at me lately is too much for anyone to take.
I'm going to take a break from here until... whenever... Whenever I get things sorted out.
See you guys...whenever.
Jim | |
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12 Comments | |
| The New Republican plan to control the US Government |
Jun 26, 2008 4:05 pm
Mood: is it real?, 599 Views | I was avidly searching the bowels of the internet today when I found this on an obscure website. I don't know whether it's a discarded piece of junk or a hidden secret plan to eliminate the existamce of Democrats far off in the future. Let me know what you think...
Here's the master plan;
A.. Back off and let those men who want to marry men, marry men.
B.. Allow those women who want to marry women, marry women.
C.. Allow those folks who want to abort their babies, abort their babies.
D.. In three generations, there will be no Democrats.
Do you think it will work?
LOL
Have fun with this because it's just a piece of political humor I found in a junk pile.
SlimJim
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5 Comments | |
| Remembering George Carlin |
Jun 25, 2008 2:43 pm
Mood: funny man, 693 Views | 'Older' sounds a little better than 'old,' doesn't it? Sounds like it might even last a little longer. ... I'm getting old. And it's OK. Because thanks to our fear of death in this country I won't have to die - I'll 'pass away.' Or I'll 'expire,' like a magazine subscription. If it happens in the hospital they'll call it a 'terminal episode.' The insurance company will refer to it as 'negative patient care outcome.' And if it's the result of malpractice they'll say it was a 'therapeutic misadventure."'
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On getting old:
"... the best thing about getting old is you're not responsible for remembering things anymore. Even important things. 'But it was your daughter's funeral' 'I forgot!' You can even make believe you have Alzheimer's disease. It's a lot of fun. You can look around the dining room table and say, 'Who are you people and where is my horse?' And you look at your eldest son and you say, 'Agnes, I haven't seen ya since First Communion!"'
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On abortion:
"How come when it's us it's 'an abortion,' but when it's a chicken it's an omelette?"
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On religion:
-"Something is wrong here: War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. Results like these do not belong on the resume of a supreme being. This is the kinda (expletive) you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude."
-"You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. ... Two reasons: first of all, I think he's a good actor, OK? To me that counts. Second, he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn't (expletive) around."
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On "stuff":
"That's all your house is - it's a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. Now sometimes - sometimes you gotta move. You gotta get a bigger house. Why? Too much stuff. You've gotta move all your stuff, and maybe put some of your stuff in storage. Imagine that - there's a whole industry based on keeping on eye on your stuff."
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On "things you never see":
"You never see a Rolls-Royce with a bumper sticker that says 'Shit happens.' You never see a really big, tall, fat Chinese guy with red hair."
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On his disdain for "soft names":
"I'm getting really sick of guys named Todd. ... Where are all these goofy (expletive) boys' names coming from? Taylor, Tyler, Jordan, Flynn - these are not real names. You wanna hear a real name? Eddie."
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"Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?"
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"I wonder why Kleenex doesn't have a target in the middle of it. Don't you think we need a bulls-eye right in the middle of the Kleenex?"
RIP George | |
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8 Comments | |
| You got time for a quickie? |
Jun 24, 2008 9:49 pm
Mood: read quick, 793 Views | A long haired blonde gay bottom boi enters a sex shop & asks the clerk for the dildo-vibrator section.
The clerk leads him to a side room and says "Choose from our large selection on this wall."
The blonde boi spots the one he wants, points and says "I'll take the red one."
The clerk replies "That's a fire extinguisher!!!"
LOL..
How was that for a quickie?
Good night and sleep tight
SlimJim
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10 Comments | |
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| I'M MAD AS HELL and I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!!! |
Jun 23, 2008 12:28 pm
Mood: ANGRY, 1191 Views | Are YOU mad as Hell about what's happening to this site?
I am! I've had enough of the server shutdowns every 5 minutes making this site unusable to most of it's members. We ALL know there are major problems with the workings of this site that have been occuring for more than two weeks!!
You can call OP's "customer service" and talk to somebody in India, and they don't even acknowledge that there's a problem, let alone "when" they are going to fix it!! They will blame it on YOUR computer as the problem...
NO, it's NOT your computer because everyone on here is having the same problem! When this site "shuts down", the same thing happens to other sites like ALT dot com, so It's a SERVER problem that the friend finders network has and NOT the fault of your computer!!
I want OP to tell it's members "what the problem is, and when it's going to be fixed"!! I want OP to know that ALL it's members, both paying and free members, have "had it" with OP's excuses and want immediate action taken to repair, fix, and make this site usable to all members, because...
"WE ARE MAD AS HELL AND NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!"
Please write your complaints about the terrible service we are getting, in the comments section. This is an open forum for everyone to use.
This post with all it's comments will be sent to OP's Customer Service dept every 12 hours, or until we get good resolution to the major problems on this site.
Everyones help is needed on this because there is power in numbers. Please keep your complaints civil. Thanks for ALL your help in getting these problems resolved...
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30 Comments | |
| Lay some latex on me!! |
Jun 22, 2008 4:14 pm
Mood: condomize before you sodomize, 887 Views | List Of Possible Slogans Promoting 'National Condom Week'
Before getting drastic, wrap it in plastic.
Before getting laid, wrap up your spade.
Before the bed starts to rockin', put your cock in a stockin'.
Bodies shouldn't go slapping unless peter's got his wrapping.
Cover your stump before you hump.
Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool.
Don't be a loner, cover your boner.
Don't make a mistake, cover your snake.
Don't be silly, protect your willy.
Especially in December, gift wrap your member.
Going out? Shroud your sprout!
If you can't shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket.
If you go into heat, package your meat.
If you think he's spunky, cover your monkey.
If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it.
It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter.
No glove, no love!
Save embarrassment later, cover your gator.
Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener.
He won't get sick if you wrap your dick.
Taking out the trouser mouse? Don't forget his rubber blouse.
The right selection will protect your erection.
When in doubt, shroud your spout.
Wrap it in foil before checking his oil.
You can't go wrong if you shield your dong.
You could get a germ if you don't cover your worm.
You might wind up dead if you don't shield your head.
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"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling.
So what's the problem?"
Dustin Hoffman
=================================================
Anyone want to lay some latex on this? LOL
Have a fun week.
SlimJim | |
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6 Comments | |
| To link to this blog (SlimJimbo7) use [blog SlimJimbo7] in your messages. |
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