| "aprons" |
Aug 25, 2008 4:40 pm
522 Views | I hope this brings back some pleasant memories for you as it did for me...
I don't think our kids know what an apron is.
The principal use of Grandma's apron was to protect the dress
underneath,
but along with that, it served as a potholder for removing hot pans
from the
oven.
It was wonderful for drying children's tears, and on occasion, was even
used
for cleaning out dirty ears.
From the chicken coop, the apron was used for carrying eggs, fussy
chicks,
and sometimes half-hatched eggs to be finished in the warming oven.
When company came, those aprons were ideal hiding places for shy kids.
And when the weather was cold, grandma wrapped it around her arms.
Those big old aprons wiped many a perspiring brow, bent over the hot
wood
stove.
Chips and kindling wood were brought into the kitchen in that apron.
From the garden, it carried all sorts of vegetables. After the peas had
been
shelled, it carried out the hulls.
In the fall, the apron was used to bring in apples that had fallen from
the
trees.
When unexpected company drove up the road, it was surprising how much
furniture that old apron could dust in a matter of seconds.
When dinner was ready, Grandma walked out onto the porch, waved her
apron,
and the men knew it was time to come in from the fields to dinner.
During WW II when planes flew over Mamma's plantation home in the
South,
she would run out and wave to the pilots with her apron - they came to
know
her and would dip their wings.
It will be a long time before someone invents something that will
replace
that "old-time apron" that served so many purposes.
REMEMBER:
Grandma used to set her hot baked apple pies on the window sill to
cool.
Her granddaughters set theirs on the window sill to thaw.
They would go crazy now trying to figure out how many germs was on that
apron.
I don't think I ever caught anything from an apron--except love.
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35 Comments | |
| "I'm your father"!...Oh dear! |
Jul 31, 2008 2:11 pm
1027 Views | Jerry & I have been trying some new things in our relationship. One being that I'm coaching him to talk dirty to me during love making which doesn't come easy for him but is really a turn on for me. He is very vocal with grunts, moans & announcing when he's 'getting his gun' but not so much leading up to it...eh.
Well, I had schooled him on a few 'turn on' phrases & we commenced to 'doing it'.
He was doing real good..."You like that big ole dick up your ass, don't you"? etc., etc., with an occasional prompt here & there.
He was arriving at his destination, judging by the increase in the depth of his strokes & panting when, all of a sudden he starts shouting:
"I'M YOUR FATHER"! "I'M YOUR FATHER"!
As I tightened to milk his seed to the max, I couldn't help but burst out laughing which pissed him off a bit.
He asked what was so funny as he rolled off me, catching his breath.
I told him, honey, it's not "I'm your father"!
It's "Whose your daddy"!
Oh dear.....more coaching.
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25 Comments | |
| A Sense of "Freshness"! |
Jul 20, 2008 10:10 am
Mood: amused, 1107 Views | A new supermarket opened in Topeka, KS. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread & cookies.
I don't buy toilet paper there any more.
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18 Comments | |
| "Two Old Men" |
Jul 11, 2008 3:23 pm
1224 Views |  | TWO OLD MEN DECIDE THEY ARE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST DAYS AND DECIDE TO HAVE A LAST NIGHT ON THE TOWN.
AFTER A FEW DRINKS, THEY END UP AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL.
THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD GEEZERS AND WHISPERS TO HER MANAGER, 'GO UP TO THE FIRST TWO BEDROOMS AND PUT AN INFLATED DOLL IN EACH BED.
THESE TWO ARE SO OLD AND DRUNK, I'M NOT WASTIN' TWO OF MY GIRLS ON THEM. THEY WON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.'
THE MANAGER DOES AS HE IS TOLD AND THE TWO OLD MEN GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE CARE OF THEIR BUSINESS.
AS THEY ARE WALKING HOME THE FIRST MAN SAYS, 'YOU KNOW, I THINK MY GIRL WAS DEAD!'
'DEAD?' SAYS HIS FRIEND, 'WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?'
'WELL, SHE NEVER MOVED OR MADE A SOUND ALL THE TIME I WAS LOVING HER.'
FRIEND SAYS, 'COULD BE WORSE I THINK MINE WAS A WITCH.'
'A WITCH ??. . WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THAT?'
'WELL, I WAS MAKING LOVE TO HER, KISSING HER ON THE NECK, AND I GAVE HER A LITTLE BITE, THEN SHE FARTED AND FLEW OUT THE WINDOW... TOOK MY TEETH WITH HER!'
 Oh dear... |
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18 Comments | |
| "Pride" Parade, "Atta bois" & I can to suck! |
Jun 19, 2008 2:56 pm
1590 Views |  | The 21st annual OKC "Pride Parade" starts at 7pm Friday 6/20 & festival continues thru the weekend at Memorial Park, local clubs & Habana Inn...we'll be there! 
Atta bois...
We had a new garage opener installed this morning. A young svelte guy in late 20's or early 30's did the job. Jerry is good at drawing info out of folks who would otherwise not divulge such info. Jay used the phrase: "me & my partner" to draw the guy out. Turns out he is "family" & engaged in a relationship of about 2 years. He did a marvelous job for us &, in gratitude, Jerry called his boss & complemented the guys work. They were very appreciative to get a message of 'praise' rather than a complaint. Jerry told them that he had worked as a carpenter in remodel for years & knew that rarely did guys, who deserved it, receive the "atta bois" for their competency. They said it was nice to get a positive call about one of their hands & they would pass it on to him.
"I can to suck"...& even fk!
My instructions after having a tooth gruely cut out, was not to suck thru a straw, etc. I required only 1 hydrocodone tab. & that was more from fear from impending pain which never manifested. The penicillin did cause some nausea & rumbling of the 'cave o' tha winds' but nothing more.
Jerry had given me a royal screwing Mon. evening, prior to my dental appt. on Tue., as we knew I probably would have limitations following the procedures.
Well, Wed. comes & I ain't hurtin none & bleeding has stopped but I didn't expect any sexual activity. It was late in the evening & Jerry & I were in the garage moving the bicycles, lawn mower & such when Jerry walks up to me, takes my hand & places it on his cut-offs, where he has a raging hard-on! We grinned at each other & went inside to the bedroom. I gave him a deep throat that even I was proud of...especially since his ding-dong is grooowing! Maybe I'm not supposed to suck thru a straw but I can sure still suck dick! I bring him to the edge but he never wants to shoot in my mouth. He always says: Lets fuck! I've asked him: Don't you want me to suck you off? He says: No, I want some of that hot ass! Well, muther can't argue the point. Duty calls... The way he "announces" his impending climax just makes me work that much harder to 'git er done'!
Now, I know many of you young'uns are reading this & thinking...eeew!...they are so old, 61 & 67, but, darlins, we've been together 30 years, had our 'season in the sun' & love transcends the ages when it is from the heart. He is still my tanned, hairy chested cowboy & I'm still his bubble-butted "lil darlin".  |
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16 Comments | |
| HIV "Panic" at the Dentist |
Jun 17, 2008 3:02 pm
1670 Views |  | T'was storming & pouring rain this morning during my appointment at the mobile dental office [large RV conversion] at the clinic I go to [pro bono].
I think the dentists are interns & quite skilled at their trade. Mine was a young, handsome man who seemed capable & experienced. I had to have a tooth both drilled & cut out, requiring a lengthly period of time & sutures. I should've peed before I left the house. 
After being sutured my dentist seemed upset & had to squeeze past my head going hurriedly to the sink. I felt his 'ding-dong' brush against the back of my head as I was reposed...nice! 
Did I say I needed to pee really, really bad & the rain wasn't helping any. 
I noticed all the staff was approaching him & their was hushed murmurs of conversation & concern. My concern was that I had to pee & wasn't prepared for much more of a delay.
I observed the guy washing his hands for about 10 minutes & then squeezing one hand tightly & each finger over & over. No one bothered to explain the delay to me. 
As my eyeballs started turning yellow from urine backup, my dentist returned to the station & informed me: "I had blood under my glove when I removed it. I can't find anywhere that is bleeding & don't know if I may have stuck myself with the needle. Have you been 'tested' recently"?
Realizing this situation was getting involved & embarrassed by the question, I tightly crossed my legs...I really, really need to PEE!!! 
Being a nurse, I realized the importance of "Universal Precautions" & the real concern for this young man just starting his professional life. To his relief, I informed him I had been tested for both Hep. C & Hiv only two months prior & had engaged in no risky behavior for some time. I also asked him to retrieve my medical records from the clinic office adjacent to the mobile unit we were in. Had I thought at the time, I would've told him that "I" would go get them as they have a restroom in the clinic!!! But I didn't. 
By this time, all eyes were focused on me as if I'd done something wrong. I felt "contaminated" & felt like hauling it out & peeing on the floor. 
The nice doctor reviewed my chart & said everything seemed in order. 
I thanked the man & headed for the 'head' inside the clinic.  Peeing has never felt sooo wonderful!
Sadly, like most health services protocol requires, this fine doctor, only trying to help the community, will most likely have to undergo a series of lab tests for the next year...just to 'make sure'??? 
Somehow...I feel 'guilty'...but I'm not sure of what? It was very embarrassing but would've been even more so had I not been endowed with an enormous bladder... |
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21 Comments | |
| "Miracle" of Toilet Paper! |
Jun 12, 2008 5:50 pm
2118 Views | THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER
Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to Jerry that my dick is too small [yeah, we've all been there].
Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.
If you want your dick to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your dick & balls for a few seconds.
Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in
front of the mirror, rubbing it around my 'taint'.
'How long will this take?' I asked.
It will grow larger over a period of years, Jerry replies.
I stopped. 'Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my dick & balls every day will make my dick larger over the years?'
Without missing a beat he says, 'Worked for your ass, didn't it?'
He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, He may even walk again, although he will probably continue to take his meals through a
straw.
Stupid, stupid man.
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28 Comments | |
| "Yard Work"...eh? |
Jun 11, 2008 8:47 pm
1865 Views |  | YARD WORK - AS VIEWED FROM HEAVEN
(overheard in a conversation between God and St. Francis):
God: Francis, you know all about gardens and nature; what in the
world is going on down there in the U.S.? What happened to the
dandelions, violets, thistles and the stuff I started eons ago?
I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow
in any type of soil, withstand drought, and multiply with
abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts
butterflies, honeybees, and flocks of songbirds. I expected to
see a vast garden of color by now. All I see are patches of
green.
St. Francis: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. They are
called the Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers
"weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them
with grass.
God: Grass? But it is so boring, it's not colorful. It doesn't
attract butterflies, bees or birds, only grubs and sod worms.
It's temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites
really want grass growing there?
St. Francis: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it has grown a
little, they cut it....sometimes two times a week.
God: They cut it? Do they bale it like hay?
St. Francis: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put
it in bags.
God: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
St. Francis: No sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it
away.
God: Now let me get this straight...they fertilize it to make it
grow and when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it
away?
St. Francis: Yes, sir.
God: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we
cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows
the growth and saves them a lot of work.
St. Francis: You aren't going to believe this Lord, but when the
grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more
money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get
rid of it.
God: What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees.
That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself.
The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade
in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a
natural blanket to keep the moisture in the soil and protect the
trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves become compost
to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.
St. Francis: You'd better sit down, Lord. As soon as the leaves
fall, the Suburbanites rake them into great piles and pay to
have them hauled away.
God: No way! What do they do to protect the shrubs and tree
roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?
St Francis: After throwing the leaves away, they go out and buy
something called mulch. They haul it home and spread it around
in place of the leaves.
God: And where do they get this mulch?
St. Francis: They cut down the trees and grind them up to make
mulch.
God: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore.
Saint Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have
you scheduled for us tonight?
St. Catherine: "Dumb and Dumber," Lord. It's a really stupid
movie about...
God: Never mind -I think I just heard the whole story from Saint
Francis!
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20 Comments | |
| "True" Friendship... |
Jun 4, 2008 5:02 pm
2204 Views | None of that Sissy Crap
Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good,
but never actually come close to reality?
Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true
friendship.
You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this-
Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.
1. When you are sad --I will jump on the person who made you sad like a
spider monkey jacked up on Mountain Dew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must
be involved in.
4. When you're scared -- we will high tail it out of here.
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how
much worse it could be until you quit whining, ya big baby!!!!
6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.
7. When you are sick --Stay away from me until you are well again. I
don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall -- I'll pick you up and dust you off.
9. This is my oath...I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask --
because you are my FRIEND!
Friendship is like peeing your pants,
everyone can see it,
but only you can feel the true warmth.
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Computer back up & running...it was a corroded phone connection.
Been busy getting ready for a garage sale this weekend. Having to park car in driveway & they are forcasting a storm with very 'large' hail & possible tornadoes tomorrow night. ha! Go with the flow...eh?
Will be back on blogs regular soon.
Hugs, Clint | |
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25 Comments | |
| Modem problems |
May 24, 2008 10:21 am
2544 Views | Just wanted to let everyone know that for the past week, we've encountered internet problems. Technical support suggested a new modem. We are not 'tech' savvy but Jerry put a new one on yesterday but internet service continues to hit & miss, down more than up. We continue to interact with 'support' but often get someone we can't understand. Getting on-line at OP is sporadic at the moment.
I have been able to read a few blogs. I have nothing further to say nor add to a certain one. Damage has been done to both parties & I don't expect you to be placed in a position of taking sides. Nothing positive can be gained by continuing such diatribe.
I wish you all a safe & fun holiday, enjoy it, Jerry & I plan to!
Hugs, Clint | |
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29 Comments | |
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