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HARD CORE DISNEY TAIL IN XXX SHITTY MODE.. BAMBY DOES DALLAS by my good friend DUH STORYTELLER. It was some 238 years ago long before Dallas Texas became a busy metropolos, that Mrs. John Deere gave birth one late April morning to a four pound cuddly bundle of spots! Yes five days later when he first opened his cute little brown eyes, the forest newest little creature was named by the friendly forest village group of rabbits, chipmunks, squirrels and even Barny the wise old owl. How proud Mrs. Deere was of her very first born. A fine healthy somewhat mischiefous fawn they all had named BAMBY. But with the yearly April showers not relenting, poor little Bamby had to park his butt under the protection of a big crooked Sagamore tree for nearly a week before Mr. Sun finally appeared out of the eastern sky. Oh how wonderful it was for cute little innoncent Bamby to run and frolic among the early soft spring plant life. Yes him and his brand new rabbit friend Thumper would play tag, or hide n seek all day long until the shiny stars would come out along with the always flickering lightning bugs! It was then that all the peaceful animals would seek shelter for both comfort and safety from that mean pack of roving western coyottes that liked nothing better than to hunt in almost complete darkness for fresh new meat. Having learned their ambush tricks well, all of the little creatures and their famlies were quite safe that entire spring and summer. By the time fall had arrived, Bamby had shed all of his fawn spots and now his brilliant red coat was slowly changing into his very first grayish winter coat. It was then that Mrs. Deere first noticed the unusual birthmark located on the very center of Bambies young rump. Yes whenever Bamby lifted up his long white tail to wag it, that birth mark clearly showed for all to see! Yes perfectly formed by a freak quirk of nature, were the black colored letters that clearly spelled out ASS GAS BLASTS ! With Farmer Browns Soy Bean field now his favorite place to browse and feed in, Bamby's aways farting ass was indeed a place no one wanted to ever be anywhere near. Soon his powerful renlentless Farts had become almost non stop! Also so darn loud no animals could even hear the crickets churp. Yes while she deerly (no pun intended) loved her more than anything, Mrs. Deere herself couldnt take the smell and began to always stay distant and downwind of her poor Bamby as did all the other forest creatures. So as that first year and a half passed (along with countless tens of thousands of the worse smelling farts on earth), Bamby became a loner and outcast without even one single friend. Now fully weaned and starting to sprout little antler stubs inside both of his ears. a teenage Bamby was walking around with his white tail always pointing straight up in the air. Yes every single time poor lonesome Bamby took but a few steps, he would rip off a real loud one that sometimes echoed throughtout the entire forests. Soon all the other animals began to secretely and jokenly call poor Bambie THE HARD LUCK SMELLY FART BUCK! Not being able to handle his ongoing verbal animal ridicule, with tear stained eyes on a cold late November moonless night, Bamby silently slipped away from his forest village home and wandered deep into the Forbidden Forest where no animals ever dared enter. Yes the evil forest where no one had ever returned from. For nearly a full day, Bamby wandered deeper and deeper until he was so lost and afraid, he stood on the very edge of a high mountain cliff trying to muster up his courage to jump off!!!! Just as Bamby was about to take his one last fatal step, he heard a gigantic Fart right behind him. No it hadn't come from his ass at all as he turned around to spot this gorgous long lashed smiling doe deer standing but 10 yards away. Yes her name was Dallas Doe and God she just about his exact same age and so very incredabely beautiful as well! Yes it was her warm sexy smile that brought Bamby back from the very edge. Soon they found themselves standing nose to nose sniffing while slowly wagging uplifted tails! An hour later after chasing her for many miles into this large peaceful lower valley, they sat together catching their breaths in a meadow of high golden colored alfalfa! It was there over the next few hours, that they fell madly in Love with each other. Yes just like Bamby, Dallas Doe also shared the very same Farting Disorder! For she too had preferred the soft endless array of Farmer Browns Soy Bean field before also running away nearly a month before! So that mild winter with little blanketed valley snow on the ground to hinder them, both grew together into strong healthy deer entering their primes. With all of the valley's soil containing exceptionally high red mineral ore content, all of their grazing browse and feed indeed contained high amounts of nitrogen which always caused the both of them to have constent gas! However both were now completely used to it and each other and not bothered a bit by any of it. Yes while Bamby missed his mother and some of his old former animal village friends, Dallas Doe now had become the Love of Bamby's Life. Yes back in the early part of December, she had come into her first heat and now in late March. was carrying two unborn twin fawns that would be making their way into the world in a few short weeks. Yes everything had been so wonderful for the both of them until that dreadful day when a loud rumbling coming from the north awoke both of them from a peaceful late morning nap. Yes while the snow in the pocketed valley had been quite sparse, record amounts had covered both the flat lands as well as the upper mountain passes. Yes nearly 80 feet high and traveling at almost 60 miles an hour, the spring melt off flood was raging toward them like a giant Tsumani! Thank god both were swift and strong enough to run full speed for many many miles to escape its wrath. While winded and trembling, both stood safely side by side now back in the very heart of the forbidden forests! It was Bamby that suggested that the both of them should return to the animal village. Perhaps things had changed and maybe both of them might just be welcome there? After their long run for survival, both walked slowly side by side until shortly before midnight, the once firmilar smells of Farmer Browns Soy Bean Field filled both of their nostrils. Yes with a full harvest moon almost directly above them, they were but a half mile away from the animal village when both began to hear to unmistakable cries of animal panic. Yes that pack of western coyottes numbering some 35 in all, had the animal village completely surrounded and helpless! While a few couragous older bucks were trying to hold them off from the impending coyotte attack, with no fall and winter antlers they were no match for those hungry brazen large pack of coyettes. So as that closing circle grew smaller and smaller, the helpless trapped bunny, chipmunk, squirrel, racoon and deer families began to pray as they crowded together in terror! Yes as Claude the coyotte leader closed in to claim Mrs. Deere as his first helpless victum, suddenly out of nowhere appeared a long forgotten HARD LUCK SMELLY FART BLOWING BUCK!!!!! With one long swift well measured leap, Bamby landed but a few short feet in front of Claudes long snarling snapping teeth. Turning with his uplifted tail that presented such an inviting target of tender soft rump to Claude the Coyette, Bamby waited until those wide open fanged jaws were but a foot from his ass before he blasted off his first big FART! A fart so mean and vicious, that it knocked Claude right off of his four furry feet. Instantly as the foul strong smell of recycled alfalfa hit his sensitive nose, Claude began yelping as he turned to get away. Now a second deer appeared out of nowhere as she too began to gas blast those bully coyottes. God the smell was so dam bad, that pack of cowardly coyettes ran non stop for nearly fifty miles to El Paso before stopping to rest. Yes that animal village was saved that Harvest Mooned late March night some 238 years ago when Bamby and Dallas became the new leaders of both the deer and animal herds. Soon a fair share of Farmer Browns Soy Bean fields became grazing food for one and all alike. Even the skunks were then accepted as by that point in time, for they all smelled like hell! Yes while Disney can never ever make a movie about this true to life tail (no pun intended) I certainly can share it with you. Yes honestly while its hard to really believe, two simple words can sum it all up... NO SHIT  |
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7/27/2014 5:48 pm |
oh dEER............... my tail is rather famous in these parts too for horny cretures. ok you came some 190 years before I did...I didn't need alphalpha or Spanish fly either to have a gas of a time...
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7/27/2014 5:52 pm |
Tanks ya again BAMBI for saving my village and me also.... you TAIL IS LEGENDARY IN THESE PARTS.. aint seen a coyote in over 40 years and the aphalfa field is covered with so many used rubbers these daze, my grandson Little Idiot makes a small forturne sellin it to the sperm bank over in Hooterville.
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8/1/2014 10:38 pm |
I don't get it?????
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8/5/2014 4:32 pm |
I once blew a hunter in a duck blind.........
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