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wcfields2009 78M
909 posts
1/28/2015 6:01 am
It Happens At My Age


I very quietly confided to my best friend that I was having an affair. She turned to me and asked, "Are you having it catered?"

A friend of mine who is my age decided to prepare her will. She told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she want to be cremated. Second, she wanted her ashes scattered over the local Wal-Mart. When the preacher asked, "Why Wal-Mart?" she answered, "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."

I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes, I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy and subject to blackouts, have bouts with dementia, have poor circulation, can hardly feel my hands and feet any more, can't remember my age and have lost all my friends. But thank God I still have my Florida driver's license.

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

These days half the stuff in my shopping cart is labeled "For fast relief."

When you get to be my age, you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

Every morning when I get up I say this prayer:
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Finally, I don't want to brag or make anyone jealous, but I can still fit into the socks I wore in high school.

OnDaFence 36M/44M

1/28/2015 8:10 am