Losing my marbles
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Remember shooting marbles back in grade school? I remember a group of 1st graders who were Gods at it and I sooooo wanted to be one of them. So I begged my older brother to teach me what he knew and then brought his prized bag of marbles to school. Before I could even tuck them into my locker the other kids descended on me like sharks going for blood. “Can I have a marble Mark? Oooo… can I have the cats eye?!?!?” I gave away over half of my bag befor I even shot my first game. Problem is, I didn’t really want any of those pathetic needy fuckers to have my marbles it was simply the only way I could think of to get rid of them. They were creeping me out. By the time I reached high school, girls had replaced marbles. But every time a girl expressed interest me, my “best friend” would inevitably steal her away from me. It wasn’t the fickle girl that pissed me off, it was how much pleasure my “best friend” took in stealing them away from me. Now I’m finding myself in the unique position of putting the screws to someone else (my ex). See there are two paths we could take with this divorce thing – mediation or divorce court. If I agree to mediation, a professional mediator will present viable solutions to our conflicts, we evolve into friendly adults who put our children’s needs before our own and we all live “happily ever after.” If I take this to court expressing “fear” for my children’s safety due to the anti-depressants my ex is taking, a “Guardian ad Lidem” will appointed to study all of us, conduct thorough background checks, interview friends, family and co-workers (it’s a very invasive procedure) and all for the low, low, low discount price of $5,000!!! At first glance, mediation seems the most viable option (only $200 regardless of how many sessions it takes). However, despite all the good intentions behind the mediation process, no statistics showing success rates or testimonials from real life divorcees who were able to resolve their differences via mediation were presented. What they are selling is a fairy tale. Had my relationship with my ex ever been a fairy tale I might be more susceptible to their clever sales techniques i.e. just because we agree in the presence of the mediator doesn't mean that the next time I schedule a vacation with my kids that my ex wont decide at the last minute “NO! The children can’t go on vacation with you this week because they have appointments that can not be rescheduled.” The odds are very good that the guardian ad lidem will decide in my favor but my ex would be left without her children and penniless. Clearly she wouldn’t hesitate to put the screws to me like this – nor would my “best friend” from high school or any of the 1st graders who so pathetically begged my marbles off me. So I guess the real question is – do I have the balls to take this opportunity that my manipulation of “law of attraction” has presented me? What would you do? "Make it so." - Capt. Jean-Luc Picard, USS Enterprise |
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 7/3/2009 10:56 am |
Not a great choice! The mediation sounds great ... if it could work given the personality disorder your ex exemplifies. You could be in sessions until the kids are old enough to decide for themselves where they want to live. As for the other option, how far into your life would they be digging? What, if anything, might they learn in terms of activities involving the "marbles" in your shorts might be in her favor in the eyes of straights? I looked up that term and found the following information. It appears that you would have a good chance .... I know you will do the right thing for the kids! What factors does the GAL consider in the investigation? In investigating and developing input for the court's consideration, the GAL must consider: *the wishes of your child and both parents; *whether a parent has engaged in a pattern or serious incident of interspousal battery; *the safety and well-being of the child and the safety of the parent who was the victim of the battery or abuse; *your child's interaction and relationship with you and other family members; *the amount and quality of time you have spent with your child in the past; *any necessary and reasonable custodial and life-style changes you propose to make to spend time with your child in the future; your child's adjustment to home, school, religion, and community; your child's age and developmental and educational needs at various ages; *the mental or physical health of a parent, the child, or other person living in the proposed custodial household; *the need for regularly occurring and meaningful placement to provide predictability and stability for your child; availability of child care services; *the cooperation and communication between parents and whether either one unreasonably refuses to cooperate or communicate with the other; *a parent's likelihood to interfere in the other parent's continuing relationship with the child; *any physical abuse or problems with alcohol or drugs; *the reports of appropriate professionals; and other significant factors that would affect your child's well-being. Whitney
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7/3/2009 12:09 pm |
Whitney - I do realize the risks. Am also frustrated by the fact that my children would remain in her/her mother's custody until the investigation is complete - 5-9 months. It is entirely possible that the only good that can come out of this risky endeavor is to give my children a renewed sense of self worth simply by knowing that their father is fighting for them and sincerely wants them in my life. "Make it so." - Capt. Jean-Luc Picard, USS Enterprise
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7/4/2009 1:48 am |
Do what is right for your kids. You know what is in there best interests and you also know what you need to do. If that means going to court then that is what you have to do. Respect our differences! Celebrate our diversity
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7/4/2009 6:20 am |
You'll be very proud of Mark and his decisions. I sure am. Time is tight to explain now. Will keep you posted.
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7/4/2009 8:18 am |
Spirit - know what's really screwed up about all this? Both my ex and I think we are doing what's right for the kids and even in our informational mediation interview what we were coached to start from the beginning and divulge our history (thus giving the mediator a feel for what she was up against). Normally this would only have took an hour. The mediator was very good at keeping things moving and not letting us get hung up on the drama... but when she glanced at the clock, put her notebook down and asked "are we done?" we were only half way through. The good news is, now that we've talked about our history it is supposedly done. Future meetings would be to go forward and the mediator sited examples of how she has helped other couples by presenting options they were not thinking of. There is also a strong focus on the children and how our behavior affects them given their varying stages of development. In concept this could be a very, very, very good thing. As much as I would like to believe in the fairy tale of divorced couples living happily ever after appart, communicating friendly and always, always always putting the children first. Previous experience is telling me this is not possible. Previous experience tells me that as soon as my ex figures out the mediator's game plan, she'll be able to play them like a harp. Just like she did when she underwent psychographic profiling - it was a 3 hour written test which she completed in under and hour and followed up by a consultation with a councilor who tries to trip her up. He couldn't. She's got a mind like a steel trap. "Make it so." - Capt. Jean-Luc Picard, USS Enterprise
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